Victim of a romantic dupe

Is your boyfriend asking you to borrow money?  Has anything such as cash or loose change disappeared when your boyfriend was around?  Is your boyfriend short on cash or rent?  Is your boyfriend asking you or hinting for financial favors? 

Do you feel sorry for your boyfriends predicament and want to help him out?  Are you going out on a limb and doing favors for him that just aren’t reciprocated?  Does he disappear for weeks on end then text you at the last minute claiming he needs help or has a dilemma?  Guess what, he may be a con artist gigolo in boyfriend clothes!

A new kind of relationship in town, where you get duped.  Don’t fall for it

It used to be that Mr. Perfect from the Internet was just after some sexual fun.  Maybe you thought you were dating or you thought he was interested in a real relationship because that’s what he advertised himself to be doing on a local dating web site.  And it turned out he was just out for a little nookie every week or couple of weeks.   Maybe you thought it was on but slowly over the course of a couple months you realized the dates and time you’d spent together was falling by the wayside.  Replaced by his being busy, calling or texting you less, and disappearing back online with updated photos.  You thought it was something promising, but it turned out to be just a booty call, a casual relationship, or a quick flash in the pan.

As if getting played wasn’t enough, there is a new insidious breed of relationship taking root in this economy.  Watch out ladies, because its 10 times more insidious than getting duped into casual sex thinking a relationship was unfolding when it was just a physical daliance for him.  This new relationship is far more sinister because it involves getting used not only from a physical perspective but from a financial perspective as well.  It’s called a gigolo.  And believe it or not, this economy coupled with the high volume of lonely single women, is a breeding ground for gigolos.  What out, because there is a chance that loser you think is prince charming, may be setting you up to be duped.

How to spot a gigolo, What to look out for

The easiest way to spot a gigolo is to watch closely how he acts.  If you have a nagging suspicion that a new man you are dating is too good to be true, trust your instincts.  Relying on your gut instinct rather than brushing off suspicion, is the number one way to fend off users.

Don’t be taken in by a gigolo

Most women taken in by gigolos are too humiliated to really admit what is going on.  They’ve been physically and financially exploited and they don’t want to admit it.  They choose to pretend it didn’t happen and then move on all the wiser, but nonetheless with emotional damage.  One of the weaknesses that gigolos exploit is loneliness.  A gigolo will come on strong and charming at first.  They might compliment you, be excellent lovers, wine and dine you, and talk as if you have a future together.

You may in reality, not know much at all about what rock this person has crawled out from under.  If a man keeps you separated from his life, his family, his friends and his house, you should be wary.  If he is keeping you in an isolated love bubble it is doubtful that your relation with him will ever make it out of that isolated bubble.  He’s making you believe its just him and you, how romantic, but no.  Relationships don’t exist in bubbles.  They involve peoples general lives.

Don’t create a relationship with him that doesn’t really exist

If you are wishing that hard for a romantic relationship, you might start to impose all sorts of fantasy views and twists onto what is really going on.   If you are creating a different love story that what is really going on, then you are in danger.  You might be weaving a happily ever after picket fence story, where he is just having casual sex after a dry spell.  Don’t create a Harlequin romance out of a casual encounter.  If you are not in an established relationship, then by definition you are not in an established relationship (no matter how much you wish you were).

Don’t take a chance and help him out

A gigolo doesn’t usually do something tacky like proposition you.  It’s more of a subtle thing that he does.  It’s a con.  For example, things might be going fine then all of a sudden he is texting you about a dilemma.  He has a financial dilemma that is imminent and needs your help just for a couple of days.  He might proposition you to start or invest in a business idea with him.  Another good example of such a dilemma is that he says his paycheck is late, or that someone hasn’t payed him yet but he has money coming.  He has taxes due, he has to take his kids to Disneyland, he needs a new mattress but doesn’t have the money together and there’s an incredible deal on one.  He needs money today to pay an urgent bill but doesn’t have his bank card.  He needs clothes bought for a relatives wedding, he has to take care of this bill right now or he is going to jump off of a bridge, and so on.

Don’t fall for a guilt loan or financial favor

He might ask for a quick loan, making it seem like no big deal.  He might claim he forgot his credit card, didn’t have his wallet, casually asks you to buy him something he needs, etc.  If you balk, he might use guilt to make you fall for it.  What you don’t trust me he’ll say.  Or, he drops it saying forget it then, this is what friends do, they help each other out.  You’re turning your back on me.  He might even get mad at you and withdraw affection or attention. You might think, well he really needs my help and if I help him it shows that I care and that I love him.  Well, that is what he is counting on. To guilt you into it as a show of love.  That is how he gets you to do it, so don’t walk right into a trap.

Once you give him the money or do the favor or whatever he duped you for, you probably won’t hear from him for a while.  He’ll drop the subject.  He won’t mention repayment, leaving it up to you to uncomfortably bring it up.  He may continue to see you yet never come through on his promise to repay you.  If you push it, he’ll make you seem like a cheap nag for coming after him for repayment.  At this point, he might continue to see you but he won’t respect you.  He learns he can take advantage and walk all over you and there is no re-training him.  Since he didn’t respect you from the get go, if you hassle him he will just disappear off into the sunset.  So he relies on you fear that he will leave to never have to make good.

Some women fall for the romantic scam because they talk themselves in to it.  They think, Oh well he just needs help covering rent, it’s only x amount of money and I can help him.  Then if he repays me I’ll know he is trustworthy.  So they decide to allow themselves to be duped as a sort of test of his character.  This is a mistake.  It is ridiculous.  You don’t have to walk into his trap to test his character.  He doesn’t care how you talk yourself into giving him money or loaning him money, his only goal is get the money then leave.  Or stay, and use you for more favors later on.  Users tend to have little guilt and their moral compasses are out the window.

What does texting have to do with it

Texting does have something to do with it.  Because, relationships that are intermittent and barely exist but for the random and sporadic texts that define them, are already lousy relationships.  They are already under water, so to speak.  So it’s a breeding ground for the worst of the worst.  If your relationship sucks so much that you only hear from him with an occasional text message, he’ll be precisely the type that would hit you up for money in a pinch.  Why? Because he can, he doesn’t care, and he needs money.  It’s actually better for him to borrow it from someone that he doesn’t care about losing because then he never has to bother to pay it back!

Don’t be used in a relationship

If someone is in a casual relationship with you, they don’t really like you as much as they should.  They don’t care about your life as much as they should.  They care about their own needs.  So, if you find your boyfriend trying to bum money in a pinch I would be careful.  Don’t rationalize it away as a simple favor when you loan it to him.  Some women think because they loaned him a few hundred dollars that didn’t get repayed it’s not a true con because a true con is for big money.  That’s a falsehood because con men will usually start out asking for relatively small and seemingly innocent or innocuous favors.   They test how hooked you are.

Just because you’re not out that much money doesn’t mean it’s not a con.  Because in reality, you are getting duped if he asked you for any financial favors at all. 

Con men and gigolos come in all shapes and sizes.  Their morals and objectives are completely alien to your morals and objectives.  Even the novice gigolo might take advantage of you just because he can.  Don’t delude yourself into thinking that if you help someone out they will love you.  It is quite the contrary.  He might use you for help to get back on his feet but its when he is on his feet that he will meet a woman that respects herself and that he respects.  They always say that the woman who tries to make a man is always the one that gets left.  She does all the hard work to fix him up then he finds someone else to be with the new version of himself.  Don’t take on a man as a rehab or fixer upper project thinking all your help will make him love you because it won’t.

Loneliness is the number one vulnerability to guard after.  Men take advantage of your loneliness.  If you are lonely and desperate you are going to do stupid things to keep a man that ultimately will not keep him.  He’ll learn to take advantage and not respect you.  To combat loneliness and being duped by sketchy male daters looking for opportunity, you must get busy.  Never be so desperate for attention that you would pay money to keep it because that makes you vulnerable to users of the worst kind.

Focus on your social life so that you are never lonely

Fill up your life with plenty of friends and activities.  If you have a full active social life you are far less likely to fall prey to a gigolo.  You won’t be as likely to suspend doubt and push off things about him that just don’t add up.  Con men and gigolos are often excellent lovers so step back and think, before you get hooked.  Internet dating is a complete jungle.  Don’t trust men sight unseen.  Get to know him and his friends and his social circle before getting more involved.  Better safe than sorry.


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