Did your relationship end in a bitter text war? Bitter accusations and a whirlwind of doubt and even hatred may have led to a text breakup.
Maybe you tried to make a point and she fought back by attacking your manhood. Even if things got nasty you might recognize later on what you lost and want her back. Here are a few ways to get your ex-girlfriend back should you decide that getting back together with her is in fact what you want to do.
First get your own life back
When she all of a sudden is removed from your life and you were used to her being there it can feel pretty sad and lonely. Your project should be to get your old life back and get busy doing the things you did before she existed. If you find yourself with too much free time then try to think of some self-improvement projects to get involved with. It can anything from getting to the gym to getting a new pit-bull for a pet. Stay busy.
Get your attitude back
Being a whiny basket case will not help. Let some time pass so that you can recover emotionally. If you still feel bitter or feel like saying hostile things then enough time has not passed. You need to let enough time pass so that you can think about her calmly and react to her calmly. If you can’t act like there is nothing wrong around her then not enough time has not passed. Try to get back to a playful sense of humor and being able to have fun in life. When you’ve reached that point your attitude is restored.
Detach from her for a while
Now you need to try and detach from her for at least a little while. Most dating experts recommend you cut off all your communication with her and give her space. This creates a vacuum or space in her life too and she will get a chance to miss you. Even if she is seeing someone else, her relationship may not be as perfect as it seems. It may not last. The key is to stop obsessing and try to let her feel your absence.
If you’re just obsessed you might have a hard time dropping off the map completely. You might still be compulsively driven to text her or check her Facebook or Instagram. If you were really into her it can be super tough to cut her off. This is the trick you need to learn: even if you break down and text, try to keep contact at a minimum. Let’s say you just can’t stop bothering her. If that is you, you need to actively learn to bother her less. Way less.
At the least, try to lay low as much as you can. Don’t beat yourself up if you text her and break no contact. Every time you contact her when you probably should not have, try to adopt the 48 no-contact rule. Go as long as you can without texting her. Repeat this strategy over and over and over. If you slip up and text her, try to wait 24 hours then 48 hours with no contact. Stretch out contact as long as you possibly can. This way, even if you fall off the wagon and can’t resist pinging her, she won’t view you as a stalker. Sssh. Keep texts down to a minimum to the extent you can.
Talk to new girls
Chances are that if you are not over your ex girlfriend, any relationship you get into will feel like a rebound and fail miserably. You are going to want to take any new relationships slow and consider a new woman’s feelings. You don’t want to flat out use someone new to get back at your ex girlfriend. That’s on the one hand. On the other hand, it can be a great boon to just talk to other women, flirt with other women, and just go out sometimes so that you can notice that yes there are other options out there for you.
Getting out and about is going to help you get into that alpha male mode. Girls are attracted to that. Just the mere thought that you are going out and can meet other women will make her think twice about letting you go. But this is not something you need to flaunt in her face. It’s more about you. You need to realize that if she is not going to have you, that there are plenty of other willing women out there who would like nothing more than to please you. This will help your ego which in turn will make all women more attracted to you, including her.
Issue an apology
No matter who was in the wrong, or how bitter those texts got, an apology never hurts. One way or another she probably feels like you were not caring enough or listening to her needs. A simple apology without being defensive can work wonders. It shows you care enough to put your pride and ego aside for just a minute. It also shows that you have the capacity to see her point of view (even if you don’t agree with it).
Another way to apologize is to do something for her that has absolutely no benefit to yourself. Flowers are one thing yet this idea is to just show her you are willing to go out of your way. If it means helping her with an errand or going with her to do something, or spending time with her kids if she has any or her family, all of these things will help. Show up at one of her family functions if she asks you to.
After you’ve apologized and shown her that you will show up for her even when there is nothing in it for you, then you can let her know you still have feelings for her. Hopefully this will soften her up and she will really start talking to you about how things went awry. One of the major elements of getting her back is to acknowledge the problems and commit to working on them. Trying to slink back into her bed in the cover of night really won’t fix anything. If you want this girl back you need to listen to her and give her the time of day not the cover of night. Once she sees that you are confident whether you get back with her or not, and in it to win her back if you can, her heart will likely melt.