What if he never calls me?

Men want to pursue.  Ladies, it never hurts to follow standard dating tradition and allow the man to pursue you, in fact its a good thing!  The problem with the advent of text message communication is that it gives women yet another way to nag their man and contact him without it technically counting as a phone call.  It does however count as a phone call!  You might think your constant text messages to him are cute but if you consider that they are equivalent to calling him in the sense that you are the one initiating contact, you might think twice about text messaging so much.

Women read this site and find it helpful to learn that text message can be addictive and that if they are becoming aggresive they need to get out of the text message drivers seat and text less.  Creating this gap of open space or silence gives your man a chance to come through for you and initiate contact.  As counter-intuitive as it sounds, most men actually want to be the one to initiate contact.  It’s in the blood that they want to be the pursuer and are turned on by the chase and naturally desire to be the one to pursue you.

I’ve had women write in to me that they’ve found the articles helpful and were able to cut way back on text messages, but then they find themselves sitting by the phone in silence.  They ask, what if he never calls me?  I have news.  If you’ve already trained him that he doesn’t have to pick up the phone and call you, he may not.  The only way to find out is to stop contacting him and see if he comes around.  If you find yourself staring at the phone or wishing for that little text envelope to come, here are a few tips and strategies that should help.

Give him time

If a mans interest level in you is lower than your interest level in him, or his interest in you seems to be waning over time, he may contact you less.  Perhaps he is scanning his options with other women as well.  He could be slowing things down and putting you on hold since he himself is not sure if he wants to rush into being exclusive with you.  If you feel a widening gap it is best not to try and close it by pushing yourself on him.  Let it open.  If a man does like you and you give him enough slack in the rope, he just might come around on his own. 

Face it, if he was smitten with you he would contact you daily if not every other day.  So, the fact that he’s gone and wandered off does say something about his interest level or lack thereof.  But sometimes if you give him enough time he will think of you and come around.  Men can wander off and be much slower than women in coming around.  It can take weeks and even months sometimes.   Remember that he works at a slower pace and can more easily distracted and able to busy himself than you can.

Don’t get frustrated, get busy

If you find yourself waiting by the phone try to busy yourself with other activities.  Women tend to use down time to obsess and persevere over him.   Don’t.  Use down time to your advantage and get onto a beauty project or household project or whatever project.  Get things done, get to the gym, get beautified.  Make use of down time and get things accomplished.  It can be really hard waiting by the phone for the first few weeks.  Just remember the first few days and week is the hardest.  After a while, you won’t obsess as much.  Keep your eyes open for other dating opportunities because you can be sure that he is doing the same.

Give him even more time, if this is a new pattern

If you had a pattern of being the aggressor and now you want to change yourself into the feminine force and wait for him, be prepared for a tough ride.  Once you’ve taught a man what he can get away with he understands your limits and what you will tolerate.  If he knows he can blow you off for weeks on end and that eventually you’ll cave in and contact him then he likely will wait you out.  He thinks he’s got you in the bag.  Men have more patience and can play crouching tiger much better than women.

Changing a pattern that is already established is the hardest challenge.  But it is possible.  Develop nerves of steel and don’t contact him.  If he does come around, don’t jump all over him.  Go slowly and develop a new way to communicate with him.  It is hard, but it is possible.  Some dating books say that you may need to go your own way and surpass the longest no contact interval you’ve had.  In other words, if you’ve gone without talking for a week or two, you might have to go without talking for a month or two!  Once he realizes you’re taking control and not willing to be the man in the relationship anymore, and that you are sticking to it, he might pick up slack.

Consider he might be dating others

If you don’t hear from a man for a month or more it’s highly likely that he is dating other people.  Therefore, so should you.  He may find someone new and he may not.  He may show back up and he may not.  It is pretty much a gamble.  Just remember, if you miss him then he might miss you too.  Not all new relationships work out and maybe later on you can get him back.  Granted you’re dealing with the variables of other women and you can’t predict what will happen.  But text messaging him constantly and becoming a stalker really won’t make him stop what he is doing.  Leaving him alone and avoiding a blow out with him might be the best choice.

Treat him like a fun toy, ignore him otherwise

Some women find that if they were the aggressive one in the relationship and always initiating contact, that they build up anger and resentment.  You might have the willpower to stop harassing him but when he only comes around once every few weeks in between his other dalliances you quietly build resentment.  Even if he does keep in touch you could be really angry because he is keeping you as an option and not treating you as a queen.

This is the hardest trick of all but if your man is wandering and has you on his wait and see list, then getting mad won’t get him closer.  The best thing to do is try and disengage from his behavior and focus on yourself.  It is hard.  But if you can do this you’ll likely attract him much better.  It’s a mean analogy but you might want to try and treat him like a little fun toy. 

When he presents himself then you have fun with him.   When he goes away and runs down the block you totally ignore him.  Instead of haranguing him try to be a fun playmate when he comes around and he just might come around more.  If he comes around and just gets his head ripped off because he hasn’t come around enough, he will be totally turned off.  In the mean time, look for a replacement or another date or find other activities you enjoy!


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