One of the common characteristics I’ve seen men advertise for (e.g. on internet dating sites) is that they are looking for a woman who does not play games and who acts real and like herself. The question is, what exactly does he mean by this? Dating coaches all over the internet claim that you should play a few cat and mouse games to entice a man. Men claim they don’t want games yet love coaches claim they do. And you often read how men don’t go for the perfectly serene woman. Some even seem to like drama and a tad crazy lady even though they vehemently claim they don’t. So, what gives? And more importantly, how does it relate to texting?
Be yourself, but the best version of it
Obviously in order to get something to work out with a man you ultimately have to be yourself. Men don’t want a woman who acts like someone she isen’t. If you present yourself differently, then the man will find you out by the time the honeymoon dating phase is over. If he finds out you aren’t what you seem, you could see him move on to greener pastures.
Several of my male friends who are gorgeous have told me they will rule a woman out on issues such as lying about her age (even though many women do in order to appear in the younger search results) her career status (she’s unemployed but said she worked in her profile) and other basic characteristics such as omitting the number of children she has or whether she has ever been married before. They think, she did herself in trying to meet standards she thought I wanted instead of just being herself. So in this sense, they want no games.
That being said, you want to be the best version of yourself. You don’t want to rule yourself out before he has a chance to get to know you! If you are blunt and slobby, you don’t want to go on your date in a disheveled outfit and turn him off by your blunt talk. Letting yourself all hang out can be counter productive. An attitude of just being yourself and if people don’t like you, who needs em will not serve you well. Every one is a work in progress and there is nothing wrong with improving yourself over time. In order to compete you have to put your best foot forward.
Yes you want your personality to shine through however you always want to carry yourself like a lady, take pride in your appearance and act genuinely polite and interested in him. Don’t reveal all the skeletons in your closet in the first few coffee dates. Sometimes it pays to let the man take the lead. Leave him with a little mystery so he will come back for more.
Should you play games on text?
Men like to chase the cheese so to speak. And, if you make it too easy for a man to get you and especially to get intimate with you, there will not be too much for him to look forward to. If you text him all the time then you put a damper on his desire to hunt and be the one pursuing you. He won’t be inclined to uncover information if you are already texting it to him up front. You don’t want to play games on text message in the sense of canceling dates and other such rude behavior on the one hand. On the other hand, you don’t want to make yourself too available by texting him to say hi all the time.
Sexting or overly flirtatious texting within the first few dates is a big no no. Men will gladly lead you down such inappropriate paths and then hold it against you later. Some censorship on your texting can actually be a good thing, even if you are a flirt at heart. One thing to establish is that you have some boundries and that you know what they are. For example, don’t arrange a date via a text message or you are setting yourself up for being down slotted into a casual relationship. Don’t respond to any late night texts. A few texts here and there are ok, but from the outset this man should understand if he wants to see you he needs to call you.
You don’t want to play mean games but you don’t want to make yourself too easy to get to either. If you are genuinely interested then respond as such. But make him take the normal steps to ask you out. Don’t get too frisky or flirty on text when you first meet. And the biggest thing is not to allow most of your communications to happen on text messaging. If he starts to run your relationship on text message waves I assure you that you will regret it later on. It’s sort of like sleeping with him too soon – you don’t want to massively text with him too soon. Once he is your full on boyfriend its fine if you both like to text, but not before.
Do men like women that play games with them or not?
I don’t think men want to be jerked around, obviously they don’t want to be. But I do think they like the chase and are predisposed to want to have to be challenged in order to conquer you. Don’t let a man in on all of your dirty laundry too soon. Try to remain a bit of a mystery and let him get to know more about you slowly.
Be a challenge to him. If he is texting you to hang out, then divert him and text back that he should give you a call. In other words, don’t let him get away with anything from the outset and show him that you have some boundries and self control. Just like you don’t want to get physical too soon, you don’t want to be texting him the minutes of your day too soon either. Don’t go on text information overload. If he texts you, then you text him. A basic rule of thumb is to merely mirror what he is doing. That way, your interest level remains in pace with him. He doesn’t want to hear how he’s the one after two or three dates. Having a healthy dose of self respect will portray itself as a challenge and he will come back for more.
Don’t give up all of your information too early or leave your heart out on your sleeve. Instead, focus on being interested and being good company, and let him take the lead with you. If you like him there is no problem in letting him know it and being honest. Don’t play too many texts. Use text as an infrequent way to entice him, and text infrequently enough so that when you do send one out he will gobble it right up and want more.