The natural reaction of a breakup is to panic over losing someone that you care so deeply about. Breakups are common and there is one tactic that will work for you far better than panicing and that is to try the “no contact” or “NC rule.
No contact rule as a tactic
The no contact rule applies especially to you if you were the woman (or man) that was dumped. You had more feelings invested into the relationship and your interest level was way higher than theirs. To apply the rule is very simple, you just stop contact with your ex girlfriend/boyfriend.
This requires that for whatever reason you back off and stop contacting your ex. Whether they explicitly broke up with you via text, cheated on you and were caught, or just did a poof and then vanished, you have to understand that if they aren’t contacting you. If they aren’t contacting you then they no longer want a relationship with you. The idea behind the no contact strategy is to realize its over, stop saying your good byes in the hopes of a reconciliation and move on with your life.
NC rule means stop being friends with you Ex too
The NC rule means that you should stop being friends with your ex too. The reason for this is that you probably won’t get your ex back after a breakup by sticking around as friends. They themself will actually be shocked that you have so little respect for yourself that you want to be their friend after how they treated you. Eventually your resentment will brew, and you will wind up hating being treated like a doormat, a discard, or like you are plan B while they seek or continue to be with the replacement partner or look for a new date. Note that the new partner may have already been waiting in the wings for your ex before you even got dumped. They already had another woman (or man) to move onto and skirted all the pain of the breakup. To sit around and witness that and subject yourself to that just adds insult to the injury they inflicted.
Why NC helps you
The NC rule helps you to remove yourself from contact so that you shut down all of your opportunities to act up, express rage, resentment, fear or just keep pushing your ex away from you. It give you time to heal and grow. It gives you time to slowly expel all of the emotional baggage that they just puked onto you before waltzing off to the grass is greener. You have a better chance at reconciliation if you just back off and stop being friends. Realistically, this is the only way you can start to move forward and stop fantasizing that they will miraculously want you back.
Why an I miss you text is not a good enough reason to stop No Contact
Sometimes when you go no contact, after a few weeks or months you might send an I miss you text to your ex, or they might even break down and send an I miss you text to you. Don’t ever jump at the chance to reconcile based on just a flim-flam I miss you text. Because it really means very little. So what you crossed they mind, duh you were dating for while so is that really any surprise. Take an I miss you with a grain of salt, especially if it comes in the form of a text crumb.
The only time you should really entertain jumping back into the sack with your ex is if they come back offereing something real. And you shouldn’t get intimate unless they have spent months demonstrating they actually care about you and not just your body. Don’t jump at just an I miss you text because oh I need an ego stroke and a shag from my doormat. Its more like they should come back with something to offer. They should be above board and talking to you about how they still have feelings, how they are sorry and asking what they can do to work things out with you. Don’t bother to take them back unless they are talking relationship.
You are supposed to protect yourself and completely heal. Jumping back in bed for a shag just because they text you at 3:00 am does nothing to repair your relationship. It is just a use. So be guarded about no contact and be very careful of whether they have done something real that warrants you attention or thrown you just a crumb because they happen to be bored one night and have an itch.
No contact lets you heal yourself
NC will let you heal yourself no matter how long it takes and how miserable it feels. After months of not seeing your ex you should feel more comfortable with your new single status, no matter how lonely it is. Do not put your ex on a pedastol and denigrate yourself. Try not to think about it. Distract yourself with activities and let your system and mindset slowly downgrade down to a reset point. You may not feel particularly happy, but at least you aren’t getting emotionally bashed around, trashed, and cheated on.
You have to get to the point of being over the person because of everything that went down. If you lapse back in with them for a hookup, you are brushing under the table the fact that they disrespected you, the fact that your relationship went truly wrong, and the fact that you were treated like second best. Not to mention the fact that you were dumped rudely like by text message only to discover they had already lined up someone new to parasite onto in secret.
You need to stop caring about the relationship to the point where you refuse to be strung along like second best. That way, they can’t have the opportunity to disrespect you further and keep you as a backup other woman or backup errand boy. Adopting the NC rule and really trying to stay true to it is a statement to the ex that you would rather be away than be treated like some backup plan to their real relationships. Don’t wait in the queue while they explore a relationship with someone new, knowing they are free to come back around and use you again at the drop of a text.
You lose nothing by moving on
You have to realize that there is nothing to lose when you try the NC rule. Your ex has already devalued and discarded you. Your ex has already disrespected you. Your ex may have already made a pure statement that he or she would rather be with someone else over you. And you know if you stay talking to your ex like a puppy dog that they will see you as a pushover willing to allow them to disrespect you and keep you waiting as they get into exploring other relationships.
So you really have nothing to lose and something to gain with NC. It makes you seem less desperate and needy. It makes it so you don’t have the opportunity to lash out or seek revenge. It makes it so you aren’t clinging to or hanging on to someone that is literally not talking to you and no longer in your life. If makes it so that you prepare yourself for the real reality that your ex may not be coming back. Sure you may be miserable not talking to them but at least you prove that your miserable life will go on without them.
The best thing about the no contact rule is that it lets you see reality. It lets you accept reality. It stops you from groveling. It stops you from being an ego stroke and a convenient shag because it strokes their ego to know that they ex is busted up and text begging over them while they are on to bigger and better things. Lastly, it shows them that you are no longer in their life and that you accept it. If they grow to miss you then they will come back into contact with you. At that point, you can decide if you are going to jump at the sign of a four work text, or let them take a permanent hike elsewhere.