What to do when he is being flaky on you

This is a common predicament that women get into. They start dating a guy and over the course of a few dates or a few months the guy gets flaky. Such sketchiness on his part feeds into her obsessively thinking that he’s in a relationship with someone else. She starts to dig and stalk, looking at his myspace or facebook or instagram profile and other social media to try and figure out what he is up to.

Social media gives us a snapshot into our acquaintances life sight unseen. Before you even know the person you know their list of friends and what they’ve been up to online. What if his facebook profile says he’s in a relationship but he hasn’t even bothered to change his status because he doesn’t obsess over facebook like you do.

When a guy gets flaky your first intuition is to do recognisance on him to find out why. You can find out a bunch of fishy information online and then sort of run away with it in your head.

Stop poking around

Poking around will net you some information but its likely to get you so up in arms that it will wreck your chances with this guy anyways. If your guy is being flaky odds are his behavior is in fact fishy. But does that mean you should call him on it? Nope.

Maybe he is still with his ex and they are at the end of the road of their relationship. Maybe his relationship with her is not going as planned and that’s exactly why he is on the hunt.  The point is, he could have two irons in the fire because thats the way guys like to operate. One thing isen’t working so they start looking for other opportunities in an attempt to line something up before they opt out. Not all relationships end abruptly, some just peter out.  Some come to a final close and then there’s a rebound.  Relationships end all sorts of ways, not always by clean break.  So calm down.

He might be petering out on her, he might be petering out on you by becoming flakey, he might just be a peter-er. But regardless of whats really true, if you start to confront or attack a guy you are dating it shows you don’t trust him, really don’t know enough about him, and you’ll probably wreck the relationship by being paranoid, needy, snoopy, confrontational, or pushy.

Poking around is the one thing that usually backfires because whenever a girl pokes around on a guy making accusations he is going to not want to be with her. Guys are weird and even if they are flaky and fishy, they will likely cut contact with you if you start to call them on it. Men deplore women that are insecure and needy and bringing up moreover questioning what he is up to is the red flag of insecurity and neediness to a man.

Just ask

You should not start confronting him, accusing him, spying on him, or being suspicious of him. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, don’t create a relationship that doesn’t exist. For example if your guy has told you that he doesn’t want a girlfriend what do you really expect? That comment alone informs you that he’s open to seeing other people and refusing to be exclusive with you. So you really have the data you need. Therefore, why attack him about who he’s dating or caught seen with? You’re not exclusive for a reason and the reason is that he’s open to and likely actively seeing others.

It’s pretty much a given that if he hasn’t talked exclusivity with you then he is not exclusive with you. If you’re in the dark you can ask him directly if he’s seeing or open to seeing other people and get your answer. Just don’t bother to get in a fight with him over the truth because he’ll leave and go off with those others. All you have to do is ask and you will probably get your answer or be able to glean the truth when he responds. If you aren’t confrontational about it you’ll figure it out by just asking him if he is seeing other people. If you’re worried that he has another girlfriend you can just ask him whether he does or not.

Ask questions in person and organically

When you ask him about what he is up to try never to do that on text message, voice mail or the telephone. Wait until there is a minute when you are on a date or spending time and don’t make a big drama about it.

The biggest mistake is to tell him that you need to talk to him or make a we need to talk threat. He knows that means he’s going to get a grilling interrogation and he will run from you as though you were the police in order not to have to be subjected to the talk. It’s better to just ask him spontaneously and not flip out over it. The interrogation talk is usually a complete and utter turnoff to a man unless he is the one initiating it.

Ignore temptation to attack him over flakiness and instead sit back and get to know him better

The best way to deal with a guy that is being flaky is to ignore him. Don’t get insecure, don’t get needy, don’t get hysterical, don’t text him incessantly, don’t bother to stalk him, and don’t invest the time to spy on him and all of his friends on social networking web sites.  The best thing is to just get to know him a little bit better. That way you are giving him the benefit of the doubt while simultaneously not letting your own fears wreck your chances.

Maybe he is in the middle of a breakup, or maybe he is busy at work, or maybe he really is dealing with some other life issues other than relationships right now. Men get busy and like to concentrate on one thing so they are able to put a girl aside much longer than a girl is able to put a guy aside. Men are just naturally more independent so if he’s being flaky start getting back to your own life.

If his flakiness is causing you to have to site home and be stood up then it’s time to focus on how you are spending your time. Try to divert the focus back onto yourself. If you do this then you’re being the opposite of needy. Plus, he might get his business squared away and become more interested in you as things evolve.

Before you accuse him of lying and cheating try to get to know him a little bit better. With a little time he might either get more interested in you or he might just fade away and get back with his ex or whatever. The important thing is that you won’t be the force that is driving him away. In the meantime, look for other opportunities to fill your time. Improving your social life, expanding you network of friends, dating others or finding home projects to take on will help keep you distracted.


This entry was posted in She Asks and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *