When he tells he wants more than sex but is dating other women

Are you dating a guy where you only hear from him by text maybe once a week and all you do is have sex?  Then my dear you are in what is called a casual relationship. 

Sometimes I call this a non-relationship so that women get to know that this type of relationship is sub-standard.  It’s about booty call, friends with benefits, and hooking up.  It is not a relationship based on love and mutual respect for one another.  Sadly, these crud relationships often occur within the text message world.  Relationships based solely on sex usually exist on text.

You really like a guy and want more than sex

Let’s say you have been dating a few times a week for several months.  Pretty soon he doesn’t ask you out as much as you’d like and his contact with you is waning from daily phone calls down to weekly texts suggesting a last minute hookup.  You really like the guy and want more from the relationship than just sex.  How do you handle it, and more importantly how do you make him want more?

You can’t make somebody want more.  What you can do is give him less.  This is the first thing you need to understand.  He may tell you that he wants more than just sex in the relationship to keep stringing you along.  If he is still dating other people and wanting the relationship to stay casual (but you are having sex with him) then this is a major red flag that the relationship is going nowhere fast.  It’s a casual relationship, a booty call, a friends with benefits or you can just simplify and call it a non-relationship.  Instead of trying harder in this situation you should be running from this situation.

First of all if you had sex with him early on, with no questions asked about the relationship or commitment, he is not going to take you seriously.  And, if you continued to have sex with him after he then told you that he wants to date other people, you will never recover onto respectful ground with him.  You’re done in.  His mindset is already set in stone that you give up sex easily, you slept with him early, he has his hooks in you, and you will continue to give him what he wants which is sex, while he dates others.

He will text you, be nice to you, and deign to see you periodically to maintain his hold on you while dating other women.  He will act busy and be drifting in and out of the picture with you to keep you hooked and on his dating rotation.  Out of his mouth will come words like I do like you and am interested in a relationship, but the relationship will always be just a dangling carrot that is never given to you while he continues to use you and get his dating others habit straight.

So what should you do?  Stop having sex.  See if he is still willing to spend time together with you and to get to know you better.  See if he talks to you about life other than just flirting or talking dirty.  Pull the physical plug now because if you continue to sleep with him after he has told you he wants to date other people then anything he does is fair game in his mind.  He will feel the right to think so since he told you what his plans were.  He is dating others and will feel no obligation or remorse towards your emotional torture.

Tell him what you want, then tell him to get lost

If you want more from him than just having sex while he still dates others then you are going to have to grow a backbone fast and tell him what you want.  He has told you in no uncertain terms that he wants to test you out for a relationship while he looks around and does god knows what with others.  Now you need to tell him what you want and need.  And it better be contrary to what he says so he gets it. 

Now, if what he wants is not aligned with what you really want, then move on.  Move on and don’t hang around him hoping for things to change because all you will wind up as is hurt and very confused.  Eventually he will start dating other people and it will become clear he doesn’t want you.  He does not want a steady relationship with you and you should take it at face value.  Never get into a demoralizing, downgraded, sub-standard relationship with a guy who refuses to have a real relationship with you.  Women who do not get used by men are women who do not allow themselves to get used by men.

Get in control of what you want in a relationship

Until and unless you are in total control of what you want out of a relationship, you will not get what you want.  If you choose to sleep with a man every once in a while when he has told you he does not want to get serious with you, then he is using you and you are allowing it. Learn this amazing dating trick: radically reject men who deliver poor treatment and then you won’t get treated poorly by men.

If your man wants to date other people it’s a red flag.  If you want a relationship that is solo with him, and he doesn’t want the same thing, you need to be able to turn him down.  Sure you might lose whatever crumbs you had been getting from him.  But trust me, it was just crumbs.  And until you grow a spine and leave him because you stay true to what you want, you won’t get more from him anyways.


This entry was posted in Dating and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *