The hot guy you’ve just started dating texts you last minute on the weekend: Whats up? Can I come over after the club closes and visit you?
It seems like we have come into an era of casual relationships. Some say it is because of the economy and the expense of dating. Some say it is due to the buffet of dating choices on the internet. Some say it is because you are in the wrong crowd. Some say it is because of all of the divorces. Whatever the cause may be, it seems like casual relationships are here to stay.
Late night and last minute texts for plans are the lazy, low-commitment hallmarks of a casual relationship. In case you don’t know what a casual relationship is, its similar to a friends with benefits situation that involves straight to the point intimacy. It involves physical intimacy with little to no dating, pillow talk, long phone calls, money spent, exclusivity or pre-planning.
To make it simple, he has never introduced you to his friends or anyone in his life. You meet up every now and then and that’s pretty much the extent of your relationship with him. If he contacts you via phone its a let’s get physical phone call, if he contacts you only via text message, its a let’s get physical text. Both are lousy but a let’s get physical text is pretty much the lowest of the low.
In this article I will let a woman know how to recognize the signs that she is getting used for a physical relationship. Texting is so commonplace in dating now that a woman may be getting used by men and not really realize it until later. Sometimes a strong infatuation with a man can lead her to accept a far lower standard of treatment than what she deserves.
Late night texts should be ignored because they lead to frustrating relationships, emotional damage and heartbreak. Sometimes women fall for them even though they know it is a bad idea in the long run. Before you decide to have a little rebellion, read up on the dating expert books which will all warn you of the pitfalls of casual connections. For some fun and a few hours of forgetting your worries you could be putting yourself at risk not only physically but emotionally. A casual relationship run primarily via text messages means, getting to physical intimacy all via the touch of your cell phone text messaging plan. It means, no strings attached.
A no strings attached text relationship is different and quite frankly worse, than a no strings attached phone call relationship. Instead of phone calls, the call for plans happens on text messages. A few texts are exchanged and if the two people are available and want to see each other for some fun then they jump off from the text to the get together. There is no phone calling involved. Late night texts often happen when a person is drunk that is doing the texting. Since drinking creates the loss of inhibition as well as the inability to think on point, then texting is easier.
Should you answer the late night text?
Now, this is a g-rated web site so we don’t want to get to much into specifics, other than to say that you should respond to a late night text at your own risk. Men typically understand what a late night text is all about. They can often compartmentalize emotional connection with physical connection better than women can. They also tend to think more logically so they can grasp the concept of such a relationship and embrace it if that works for them at that point in their life and with that particular person.
Women on the other hand are a little bit more delicate and should seriously consider the possible fallout by accepting such an invitation. Women get emotionally attached to anyone they are physical with. Particularly if they like the person a lot or grow to like them, such a casual relationship can become heartbreaking over time. So, what seems like a little fun for an evening can turn into months and even years of such meetings. It really depends on whether you are the live each day like its your last type of personality, or the plan for the future personality. The point is, eventually someone in the late night text companionship will develop feelings and get hurt.
After hours text relationships are huge time wasters
The casual relationship run on text message may have made sense at the time they began. Even for women, sometimes they seem to make sense. Such casual, friends with benefits pairings can happen when one or both of the people are at a cross roads in life. It’s a relationship where there is really no commitment or responsibility to the other party.
Sometimes casual relationships start when a person is at a cross roads. For example, this could mean that they are going though a divorce or separated and not yet divorced, unhappily married or living apart from their spouse, traveling for long periods of time though their employment, just out of a relationship, casually dating with no intention of commitment after a nasty divorce, too busy as a single mother to have a real relationship, etc.
If one or both people are at a transition phase in life then a friends with benefits coupling could make sense between two people at the time. The problem, is that often it isn’t completely clear to one of the people. Usually it is the woman. She may think there is hope for a future when there is no hope.
I had a friend who was in a casual relationship with a much, much younger man for years. They texted and they met up usually late at night after their respective evenings out with friends. It went on all through her child bearing years. She passed through her opportunity to really meet someone and have children during that phase of her life. While most women were getting married and having a family, she was with a time waster. He was much younger, from a different cultural background, and his family didn’t approve of her much older age. Eventually they broke it off. She never had children, he went on to marry someone twenty years younger than her.
Their relationship just started out as a forbidden attraction at work. She thought she was having a little fun. I tell this story because it is the typical scenario. It starts off as making sense. They were both single and attracted to each other and friends from work. But ultimately, he knew it was a go nowhere relationship with a much older woman that would end. She on the other hand fell in love. I recall when they broke up she was devastated and had problems controlling her stalking behavior. She would go to his house and drive by, try to figure out who he was dating and so on. She also missed out on some really good men that were seriously interested in her.
They texted all the time, all the time. Mostly he would text her and wind up at her place. It was a sad story. At the time, I never understood why someone would forego their chance to have children just to be obsessed with an unrealistic man. Now though, I understand it a lot better. She was in love with him and had a hard time moving on. That’s why
I (and most relationship and dating experts) forewarn women not to become late night calls and certainly not late night texts. If such a relationship continues on and off for a long time the woman can easily fall in love and become obsessed with trying to get more out of the relationship.
Women should consider whether to get into a mostly text relationship and be cautious if they are in such a go nowhere relationship not to let it drag out. If they do genuinely like the person and want more, potential heart break will be in store.
Are you bamboozled into a text relationship and you haven’t figured it out yet?
It’s one thing if two people have eyes wide open and engage in a casual intimate relationship with no strings attached and get together with one another by arranging it on text message. It’s a whole different story if a women is in a text relationship and she actually does not know it yet. Not knowing that you are getting used can be the most emotionally harmful realization ever.
Dating and particularly internet dating these days involve meeting a lot of different people. Casually dating and meeting for coffee etc is so common. So is communication on text message. Text message is ingrained into our every day lives so sometimes we are talking on text message all the time and missing (or ignoring) the signals that dates and phone calls are not happening.
One of the reasons texting is so bad for relationships is that it can give you a false sense of hope that there is a connection between you and this person when in reality there isn’t. If you are primarily communicating on text message with a man you are dating and there is some intimacy without actual dates or pre-planning things to do on the phone, you might be a late night call. It’s a sign that he is not truly interested in you.
Sometimes relationships take off in the honeymoon phase and the guy is into you and doing all the right moves like calling, texting, and spending time with you. So, after a few months you might get physical. Then at some point months in, the man may feel like he is not going to fall in love with you so he starts to extricate himself from the fledgling relationship.
As the man eases his way out, you might notice less phone calls and dates and a downgrade to mainly texting and seeing one another infrequently. It is important to pick up on the signs because he can do it slowly and gently and you might not realize you are getting turned into a late night text.
Being unwittingly downgraded from potential girlfriend to the girl he texts late at night is demoralizing and women should avoid this as best they can. Don’t get intimate until you really know someone well. You should be talking openly and doing things together. Getting to know them first helps you avoid a flash in the pan romance that ends up as a dumped by text message or worse even a never ending late night text.
Watch communication patterns. If a man is mainly texting you for dates at home you may be in or heading towards becoming a late night text. Try not to ever answer a late night text if you can. Once a man realizes he can cajole you into this one time, he will have set the pace for doing it again. He’ll figure out that he can go out on the town with his friends and text you afterwards. He doesn’t even spend an entire evening with you. You’ll never get a committed relationship out of him at that point. You might get emotionally hurt too.
If you get a late night text, try not to answer it or make that fling be fast then over with and whatever you do don’t fall in love with a man who is not even interested in you enough to call you up on the phone!