When someone you love betrays you, and how being betrayed leads to text messaging too much

Many of us that get text message addicted wonder why we are such weaklings that just can’t stop sending text messages.  Maybe it is an ex that we just can’t seem to leave alone.  There is no excuse for excessive text message but it helps to know that usually compulsive text message sending has a root reason that involves the other person.  It takes two.  One example that leads to compulsive text message is when you have a partner that betrays your trust.  If your partner betrays you it can lead you to text them excessively out of your own anger and confusion over the betrayal.

Betrayal by someone you love

It’s bad enough when a complete stranger betrays you.  For example, if your home gets burglarized, your purse or wallet is stolen from you, or you set your cell phone down in the restaurant for just a split second and in a snap of the fingers it is gone, taken by an opportunistic stranger.

When someone you believed was a close friend or lover betrays you, it is even worse.  It is very hurtful and believe it that it can put you into excruciating emotional pain.  The person who betrays you is often thinking of themselves and unaware of how much damage they are inflicting on you.  You might feel as though you have been taken advantage of, used, decieved, despised, cheated, and humiliated.  It goes beyond being a sore loser because you truly are getting stabbed in the back.

Being betrayed leads to too many text messages

Betrayal might come out of problems within the relationship, or it may just come out of the blue.  Whether the betrayer is doing this because they too feel they have been wronged somehow or not, the result of being betrayed is unbelievably painful.  Because betrayal often comes as a surprise therefore it can leave you in utter disbelief.  You would never have imagined the person you cared about and thought you could trust would hurt you like this.

Anyone who has been betrayed and experienced this will know that it is very difficult to emotionally recover from the experience.  Betrayal can often lead to excessive text messages because you still feel bonded to the person who betrayed you.  You might want to send a million messages letting the person who hurt you know just how bad you feel.  You might even be angry and if the person stops communicating with you then you feel the urge to let them know how you feel.  This might express itself in the form of many text messages that you send to them.

Being betrayed leaves so many questions.  Often times you want to let the person know just how bad they hurt you.  You might go over and over in your mind what happened and repeatedly ask yourself how they could do this to you.  You wonder what happened and why.  You wonder how the person you trusted and thought you could count on turned into a person you don’t know.  They aren’t the person you thought they were.  You may even start to obsess over the minutia of what happened to lead to the betrayal.  Were you growing apart or did something happen in either one of your lives? 

The reasons for the betrayal include a relationship that has eroded

Being betrayed can lead you to obsess and text about the betrayal.    One of the things you might dwell on is the reason why.  Sometimes betrayals are deliberate and they are well planned.  For example, a sweetheart scam in which someone poses as a person who cares in order to set you up for a financial scam.  Other times, they are the consequence of choices your partner makes without much consideration of the harm it will cause you.  They don’t intend to harm you but they do.  An example of this would be if they fall madly in love with someone else.

A common reason they might betray you would be that they place less of a value on your relationship so they just don’t care enough.  If feelings erode and change they might feel that the relationship is not worth their bother and they might become self centered seeking out other opportunities meanwhile disregarding how you might feel.  The biggest reason for a betrayal is that they view the relationship as ending or on its way out.  If its dieing then they start to try and get their needs met elsewhere.  They don’t invest much into the relationship and don’t care about it. 

If the persons viewpoint about the relationship changes and they start to grow apart from you then the opportunity for betrayal emerges.  It doesn’t make it right it just makes betrayal more likely to happen.  An eroding relationship sets the stage for subsequent betrayal.

The destructive force of a betrayal and obsessive test message

Betrayal is such a totally destructive force that it can lead a relationship into complete ruin.  The person left coping with this can start to obsess over the relationship.  They might go through stages of grief and not be able to cope well.  Often times, they still feel a bond to the person who betrayed them so even if the relationship is over they might start to text the person and pour their hearts out, or their anger.  This can come bubbling out as an explosion of way too many text messages ranging from begging, pleading, asking why, obsessing over what happened, and expressing anger or rage.

Everything about your relationship will change after a betrayal and it will never be the same again.  Often times the damage and the inflicting wounds run so deep that the relationship is irreparable.  When all trust is lost then anger can persist, hearts can get broken, and emotions can get thrown into turmoil.  If someone causes you deep pain you often want to tell them about the pain.  If they refuse to talk to you then you might contact them by text message to express your anger and pain even though they don’t want to hear about it.

You’ll be wailing, crying, cursing, swearing, begging, pleading and wondering on text message.  This is particularly true if you want to continue to communicate and the other person gives you the silent treatment or shuns you.  If they won’t pick up the phone but you still want to engage with them then texting is the most likely way you might do this.  While better than stalking in person or showing up on their doorstep uninvited, the texting is still intrusive.  It can even be considered as harassment, even though the betrayal might have been the root cause.

Emotional turmoil of betrayal

If you have been betrayed you might really wonder if the pain will ever go away.  Can your heart break be fixed, will you ever be back with this person, could you even forgive the wrong doing?  The sad part about being betrayed is that you didn’t cause it but the very fact you were betrayed will likely change you for ever.  It has the impact that it can change your heart, your life, and the very way you view relationships.   You can go from being a trusting innocent person to having your bubble of innocence burst into suspicion.  It can affect how you treat others in the future.

How not to text after a betrayal

If you have ever been betrayed it is going to be one of your more painful life experiences.  You can’t erase it or change what happened.  You can’t make the pain go away.  A relationship you cared about might end because of it.  It can be life changing.  You might text the person like crazy as you try to eat up the betrayal fallout.  You might be texting them your point of view thinking that they will see the light and apologize or realize to change their ways.  If they were willing to hurt you then they may be nowhere near changing their ways.  Trying to convince the betrayer to somehow take it back is a common reactive behavior.  You must forgive yourself for reacting poorly to being betrayed because after all it is extremely difficult to cope with and consume a betrayal.  Betrayal fallout is almost always intense emotionally.

The thing to do is to realize that your reaction was caused by being hurt.  You might text and text the person who betrayed you out of insecurity, despair and anger.  Maybe you are trying to convince them to take it back or apologize or feel remorse.  You need to forgive yourself for that as well.  Try to realize that a betrayal will take a long time to get over.  Make attempts to find comfort elsewhere in your life rather than seeking out comfort from the very person who betrayed you.  After all, they betrayed you.  So don’t expect them to be able to fix your pain that they caused.  Don’t expect them to see the light any time soon.

It’s going to take some time to get over anger and grieve over the betrayal.  Seek comfort in your friends and the other positive things in your life for example, work, family, and your health.  Over time you will be able to restore your faith in your ability to judge character.  It is not your fault, even if the relationship had problems.  It is going to take time to get over and believe in others after your trust has been violated. 

You can’t change the betrayal but you can learn to control your self.  Even if you had a hysterical text message outbreak from a betrayal you can stop and get over it.  You can disengage.  When enough time goes by you will make your own decision to let your bitterness and rage go.  In a way it’s forgiveness, but its a forgiveness that lets you let go of your anger more than anything else.  Because being bitter and angry does not help you in the future.  You don’t want to give the betrayer that much power over you that they change you for the worse. 

If you are betrayed it is going to hurt there is no doubt about it.  You might find yourself texting a lot and its understandable in the sense that it is a response.  Ultimately though, it will do you little good and as you work through your emotions you should be able to fully disconnect from the person and get on with your life.  The biggest commitment you have to make is to give yourself enough time to get your emotions back together and to not allow someone to destroy your life over a betrayal. 

Sometimes the person who betrayed you will come to realize it and apologize or even try to make up with you.  At that point it will take much reflection to know if you can really forgive the person or not.  Believe it or not if you are betrayed the relationship may come down to whether you can let go of the anger or not.  Sometimes you get betrayed and stay with the person but ultimately your anger stays deep within.  Then, every time there is a fight the betrayer is over it but you really are not.  If the betrayal keeps rearing its ugly head then the relationship might end eventually even if they want to make up with you.

Give yourself plenty of time to heal from a betrayal

Betrayal is really hard to get over and it takes both people wanting to repair things.  The person who does the betrayal can often move on from the incident and put it to rest.  The person who was betrayed however, might feel the fallout for years to come.  If you’ve been betrayed and are texting like crazy because of it, you are not alone.  Try to separate yourself from the betrayer because the distance might actually give you a better picture of what happened.  Give yourself plenty of time and if you text too much try the 2-day no texting rule.  Stop sending texts for 2 day intervals which should help you cut back and stop the compulsive text behavior.


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