When your relationship becomes haggling on Text about whether you’re in one at all

Has your relationship devolved to the point where all you are doing is haggling on text message about whether you are even in one at all?  Guess what, if this is you then you are no longer in a relationship.  This is what you can refer to as a non-relationship.  It’s typically some kind of unrequited love where one person has mentally checked out of being with you and you are still hanging onto the hope that you’ll work things out.

Usually, working things out is not going as you plan.  No matter how much you text this person wanting to make up the interaction always seems to disintegrate into another one of those break up arguments.  So what should you do when this happens is to give the relationship a rest because it most likely does not even exist.  There are two types of these non relationships one of which is the type that is completely over 100%.  The other, has a granule of truth to it because there is occasional intimacy and late night rendezvous.  But with the exception of those, there is no hallmarks of a relationship.  It is still a relationship that does not exists but it just has some intermittent confusing intimacy thrown in to make you think there is something then in fact there is nothing other than the occasional physical need being met between two people.  Sort of like scatching an itch is the way to think about it.

The non relationship

The non relationship is one that no longer exists with the exception of your continued texting and their continued hostile response.  Usually it goes like this.  You text every day or two trying to get the person to talk to you somehow.  You sent stupid comments, say hi or dream up useless things to say and send the text.  If they deign to respond which they barely even do that at this point, then you try to sucker them into a conversation about your relationship since you want to make up with them.  If they are in the mood to text they might engage you into a back and forth messaging exchange where they say they don’t want to be with you or want a girlfriend at this time ad nauseam, and you try to convince them that they do.  If you are in a non relationship then all text conversations have a higher tendency to turn into rancid rants. The reason for this is that there is so much disparity in what both people are thinking and feeling that there really is no way to get along together any more. First of all, convincing never ever works.  Second of all, they would not even be telling you no for the umpteenth time were it not for the fact that you texted them.  

If this is happening to you then it’s grow up and move on time for sure.  There is no relationship its just some stupid text comments about history that already wrote itself.  If the entirety of your messaging is a rehashing of ancient history then news flash you are no longer in a relationship.  People who like each other cut to the chase and make plans to get together and do things.  Don’t frame this person according to how they acted months or years ago when they were actually interested in you.  That was then and this is now.  If your entire relationship has become rancid text exchanges where you are trying to make up and they are trying to get you to leave them alone any way they can, then it’s over.  You are in a non relationship and you need to deal with it.

The non relationship with intimacy

The non relationship with intimacy is the exact same thing in all regards as the non relationship except in this case some occasional intimacy is thrown into the fray.  This is a trickier situation to detect because as long as occasional intimacy is thrown into the fray, the unrequited love embers can keep burning and burning until the cows come home. 

It takes time for a person to meet someone new.  If they were previously with you then it could take months to dig up a new date or relationship.  If it happens right away by a stroke of luck then it’s easier for them to move on because they have a new distraction now.  If it doesn’t then temptation can set in for them to go back occasionally go back to a relationship that’s over with you for some stop-gap loving.  Beware of the situation where you are getting used as an occasional benefit to someone that has already checked out on you but has yet to land someone new.

How do you know if someone has checked out on you?  All you have to do is cut the intimacy and you will see plain as day what is going on.  If you cut the intimacy and find yourself in a basic non relationship as described above, then you are in a non relationship with intimacy.  The advice is to get out of it.  Non relationships generally don’t progress and they become a convenience for one person and a total time waster for the other.  The longer you continue to allow it go on by being intimate, the longer it will drag on still going nowhere.

Find out your relationship status

If you are in a non relationship or a non relationship with intimacy it is easy enough to find out what is going on.  First of all cut the intimacy.  Then, watch what happens.  If all you are doing is texting on occasion and even that is you more than them, then the relationship does not exist.  If you aren’t talking on the phone the relationship does not exist.  If you aren’t making plans the relationship does not exist.  If you don’t go to their house the relationship does not exist.  If you don’t know their friends the relationship does not exist.  Even if you did do those things at one point in time in the recent or distant past, but are no longer doing them now, the relationship does not exist. You might as well be a hole in the wall because the relationship does not exist.

This may come off as sort of harsh yet if you have an unrequited love for someone who has mentally moved on from you, lingering in non relationships where you haven’t moved on is actually pretty common.  Alot of people find themselves in non relationships.  They can go on and on for months and even years wasting precious time as your mind does not let yourself move on with your life so that in time you can find someone new.   If you are in a non relationship it is best to cut ties, cut intimacy and stop initiating contact with them and try to get on with your life.   Recognize that they have checked out on you and all they are is a stupid text message which if you got amnesia and lost their number there would not even be that.  Once the person sees you’ve moved on they might actually step up their game and if not, you’re better off anyways.

Are you in a non relationship or a non relationship with intimacy? If you meet the conditions above you may want to go look up the lyrics to that Henrik song called Lose my Number. Change it to, Lose their number because you are no longer in a relationship with them.


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