Have you ever dated a guy who never or rarely initiates contact with you? Are you dating a man who was initially initiating contact but now that you’ve been physical the contact is waning and weeks go by before you see or hear from him again? Do you feel like you are playing a self-control waiting game but you wait so long for him to touch base that you just wind up being angry? This article is for you!
You are pushing
Men are not impulse buyers when it comes to women. Women tend to be self-centered thinkers when they date and they just don’t realize the man is also wondering what you are about and if you could even fit into his lifestyle. He might be looking at things you hadn’t even thought of. He is likely going to want to get to know a girl slowly rather than being thrown into an instant relationship. Don’t push him into an instant relationship because it is going to repel him and set up a precedent for you being in initiator in the relationship. If you are luck enough to be early in the relationship, just don’t set a pattern of you always contacting him and bothering him. If it’s too late for that strategy just know that it is never too late to change the way you are acting in a relationship.
One reason men back off and stop initiating is that they feel that the woman is pushing for an instant commitment and smothering them. Back off and stop pushing and demanding for more from him. Pushing won’t work he has to want that for himself. Focus on being busy and happy with your own life and being a great, positive thinking companion when he comes around. Don’t be having relationship conversations after you’ve only known him a short time. Let things unfold and show him that you are an amazing, caring, and sensitive person to be around.
He is not very interested
It is true that some men who are heavily into career or interest can go weeks without bothering to contact you. If they are the tunnel vision type of guy, it is plausible that he can go quite a while without touching base with you. But it is not likely. If you are dealing with a man who rarely contacts you this demonstrates a very low-interest level. The best you can do is to cease contacting him regularly and get on with your life. Just know that a man who is interested in you will always initiate contact.
He knows he doesn’t have to, since you will do it
A man can become very spoiled and if he understands that a woman is substantially more interested in him than he is in her, he can sit back and let her do all the initiating. He figures out that h doesn’t really need to lift a finger, because eventually she will always contact him. This does two things, it strokes his ego and it manages down the relationship. He gets the ego boost of feeling chased and having options. Meanwhile, he is letting you know in no uncertain terms that he is unwilling to progress the relationship.
Sometimes men go silent because they are trying to actively accomplish something which is send a clear message that you are not going to become his girlfriend or be talking every single day. If he is not texting you at least some of the time then you really are not on his mind and should not waste your time wondering why. Leaving him alone at that point will do more good than becoming the man and running the relationship by chasing him. Women need to understand that if a man is single, he may keep a woman around because he likes her enough to see her when she comes around or when it is convenient. But if he isn’t reaching out to get together and go do things, his interest level is pretty low.
Take note of his actions not his words
Always take note of his actions not just his words. If weeks slip by and you never hear from him about doing something on the weekends, you pretty much know that his weekends are open to meeting other women. If he initiated in the beginning and now he isn’t, it’s just another sign that the initial excitement wore off and he is finding that his interest level is not that high. A man who does not see you as girlfriend material is not going to invest that much effort into you. You are basically dropped for all intents and purposes, then if you resurrect yourself he might make himself available because he has nothing to do. This is a tell take sign that he is not interested.
Men who date a much older woman, or have a fling when they are in a new town, or meet you on a dating site while still meeting other women, have this attitude. They will see you when its convenient but it’s not like you are the one person they really look forward to seeing this very weekend. The easiest way to gage his interest level is to back off and see how often he contacts you on his own initiative. If he contacts you, he likes you. If he doesn’t contact you, he doesn’t like you. If he barely contacts you, he is stringing you along but keeping his options open to meet someone he feels is a better girlfriend fit for him. If his interest is mild, he is going to keep contact down and refuse to get into any kind of exclusive relationship with you. He also will not spend that much time with you.
How to help things along
There are a few things you could be doing that are driving away a man who would otherwise keep you around. First is that you are contacting him way to much. An alpha male is just not going to be swept off his feet by a woman who is bothering him. In fact, he will be more interested in the woman who is blowing him off! Over contacting him actually helps drive him away from you. When you feel him backing off then start to text him useless anecdotes to fill in the gap it really is not going to impress him. You would be better off getting a life away from him and leaving him be.
It can be frustrating when he is shy, or when he has such a full life that days and weeks can fly by before he thinks of you. The best way to handle this is to leave him alone and get on with your own business. If you text bug a man like this, he will label you as needy, annoying, or even crazy if you send him long text soliloquies. Let him wear the pants and text you. When and if he does, simply be responsive and fun rather than negative. Have a great time with him and spend more time enjoying life than complaining. If he feels good around you and does not feel pressure or nagging, this is your best chance to get him to come around more.
If you are constantly keeping track of who is contacting who and hostile with him because he does not reciprocate, this frustration is going to ruin your relationship for sure. So, relax, sit back, and let him contact you. This will show you what the pace of the relationship is better than you filling in the gaps by clinging. Initially a guy is going to be crushing on you and want to get into your pants but after the first few months you really will be able to see if he has a relationship in mind with you. He remains interested enough to talk to you and see you, but not interested enough to spend his weekends with you and bring you around friends, co-workers and family.
When a guy thinks you’re important and he is really interested in you, he will call or text you first. There is no reason why he can’t take 30 seconds out of his day or every couple of days to say “Hey, I’m really busy today, just wanted to say hi.” It may not be every day, but if he likes you and wants to see you, he is going to get in touch. There are some men who simply don’t text small talk unless it is directly concerning asking you for a date so you may not hear from them all the time once the relation settles down from the initial buzz. If he keeps asking you to do things with him, it is a good sign.
If a woman keeps bugging him between dates he is only going to be getting annoyed. He might not the type to just sit around the house because he is probably doing some kind of project. He has other distractions which may include other women he is also interested in. If he sees you are bugging him he is going to think you don’t have enough going on in your life, and he is also going to know he has you in the bag and he might slow it down and play it to drive you crazy with desire on purpose, meanwhile keeping his options open with other women.
If you don’t like the fact that he is never initiating simply stop initiating yourself. It may take him more time than you’d like to come around, but just know that if he likes you and wants to keep you in his life, he will come around and touch base with you for sure. Get busy with other projects and friends and don’t stare at the phone. Let him set the pace, because it lets you see the relationship clearly and it makes his interest levels really obvious. There is no sense in continuing to waste your energy texting him when he’s so obviously not interested.
If he wants to talk to you, he’ll text you. If he winds up being interested and contacting you, make him work to get to know you, be mysterious. Guys like a chase. After all, what fun is going after a girl who openly tells you everything you’d ever need to know within the first few weeks of texting her? That’s boring. Get some excitement going on in your life and let him wonder what you are up to for once. The best remedy for him never initiating is to pull your own little disappearing act on him, instead of getting all obsessed about what he is up to.
He never initiates
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