Why am I always the one initiating contact with him?

Now I am going to give you some useful advice women. A relationship is give and take. There should be a balance and a ping pong of text messages volleying between you two. Don’t ever let the man you adore stick you with the job of you always being the one calling him and texting him. Because it is a job that once you get it, you will never get fired from the position. In fact, in order to get out of the job of calling and texting him you will have to vanish yourself out of the relationship altogether. Here are some things you can do to remedy the fact that he never bothers to contact you.

Tell him the truth, straight up

First off just figure out if you really have a grievance here. If you have to talk five times a day to your man then you are out of bounds and so he might be executing a no calling riot act on you. Make sure you are talking about something real which is that this guy never, ever initiates with you. That means after hours, days, and weeks. Just check to make sure you really have a problem here. If you are demanding that he text you more than once every day or two then you might be asking for too much. Make sure your expectations are reasonable.

Now that you are clear that he really isn’t initiating at all and you are not imagining it or being too needy, you know what to do. Just hit it out of the park ok. You don’t have to be rude at all but you do have to be direct and make a statement. Mention to him, I notice that I am always the one to contact you. That is nice for you but it would make me happy to see a random message from you come in from time to time or better yet a phone call. Then, just go about your business. You’ve told him point blank without flipping out that you notice his lack of effort. You really only need to tell him once so as not to nag. Now he can digest that information and figure out what to do himself. It may take him a few weeks to recognize that you mean business.

Cut your contact back and make it more sporadic

If you are still always initiating contact and your boyfriend doesn’t take the hint that you placed right under his nose, the answer is he doesn’t care enough. He is also calling your bluff depending on how much you like him in his estimation. If you are totally whipped on the guy he can blow off your conversation and chalk it up to you nagging and complaining. He’ll just figure that you are too into him to back off and so he just won’t listen to you. He won’t take it seriously because he doesn’t care about your feelings enough to take it seriously. He might underestimate how serious you are. If on the other hand he is pretty into you, he will pick up the pace. I have to say that the very fact that you he isn’t contacting you is a bad sign for your relationship.

One of the things that happens is that your man will tend to sink to whatever low point in behavior that you allow him to. It’s like the resting point and he will go low, as low as you allow. So if you contacted him too much in the beginning he knows you are the pursuer. He knows that if he waits long enough that you will break down and text him, if not today then tomorrow or even a week or two from tomorrow. He knows you aren’t going to let him go that easily. If you have already exhibited a pattern of caving in and crawling from the first text message on your hands and knees to him then he will stave you out and force you to contact him.

The way to combat this is to put him out of the park completely because he is already out of the park anyways. Read all my tips on stopping texting and then cut back so drastically that you are texting this man once a month if he is lucky. He won’t be able to rest on his laurels that long given your radical rejection of his never initiating. That is right. Do a radical rejection. Oh boo but he will leave me and go find someone else you fear. That is right he will because there are a million women all over the place so yeah he can certainly find another one if he so chooses. The thing is, he was already looking if he was never bothering to contact you. He was already finding that other woman the so called woman that was good enough for him when you weren’t. Let him go then because if he is not contacting you he is already gone.

The thing is, that you can’t compete with all the women of the world and chasing after a man with a desperate or needy text message isn’t going to do you any good. Radically reject contacting him like you were before. Then just watch what he does. If he leaves you then of course will be bummed but he was already in that gone position the only difference is that you are now waking up to seeing it. It was already taking place.

Become totally erratic and unpredictable about ever contacting him. Don’t call him frequently, don’t call him regularly, take your texts away from him because he sure isn’t texting you now is he. Once he realizes you are a totally unpredictable woman who can live without him he might actually get interested in you again and send out a text to you wondering what is going on. Keep him guessing and confused. The basic concept is that you are getting the message across loud and clear that he needs to call you or he won’t see you. Even if that means sitting home alone miserable in your pajamas watching the lifetime movie network, do it.

See what happens

Let’s say that this guy man off dating other woman for two or three weeks before he manages to miss you and send out a text to you. Well, you can be nice to him but I would not roll jump back in with a man that is only bothering to contact you every few weeks while he freely dates around. Men don’t like to get their feet wet and I assure you he is so not busy. The only thing he is busy doing is looking for a stone to step on without having to get his feet wet. If he finds another woman to date then he’ll cut chord with you. So while you are sitting around watching the lifetime movies about relationships and all that, consider looking for another man. Yes, it involves motivating yourself to date again. And you might meet disappointing prospects that can never replace your wonderful guy that never calls you. Just remember he might have been wonderful because he was handsome but he is no wonderful in the way he was treating you as a mere option.

You might be thinking that he is so awesome he will just snap his fingers and get someone else. Do you know what if he is that handsome and successful he probably will. So take that as a given. Then ask yourself, will being a doormat that runs after him in order to talk to him help your situation? No it will not. You actually have a better chance to get him interested again by blowing him off for a while than you do by texting him constantly and pursuing him. Also, don’t be fooled for one single second that your guy doesn’t know what is going on. He knows exactly what is going on I assure you.

In fact, he watched how you constantly called him prior to this and he made assumptions about you being easy and in check and that is precisely why you are in the problem you are in. By communicating with him too much you completely remove your ability to come across as irresistable to him. Being irresistable is something that is integral to a mans attraction for you so you don’t want to doormat yourself and take your elusive feminine charm away now do you? And if you blew it and did take it away there is no law against backing off now. He’ll get your message loud and clear, trust me. It is never too late to change.

It is always best to throw the communication gauntlet down at the outset of a relationship. You’ll want to have him placing phone calls to you and a communication flow that you feel totally comfortable with, before you get physical. Even then though, there is no guarantee because he could bow out and stop contacting you as much after you get intimate too. People get intimate and physical fast these days, sometimes within 5 or 6 dates of knowing each other. If you are smart you won’t become intimate with him until he consistently acts like your boyfriend. Even so, a communication break down can happen a few months in, particularly if the man was acting like a fake boyfriend just to get further faster with you. If you already got physical and already blew it by establishing yourself as the one having to initiate texting and calling, never fear. Do an about face on your behavior because even if its too late to establish boundaries you have a better shot at getting him cooperating with setting new boundaries now than you do by putting up with his lazy communications.

Make your texts and phone calls sporadic, inconsistent, and rare from here on out. If he opts out you’ll have to deal with the heartbreak which is hard but you’ll survive. Execute new behavior on the next man that comes along. Expect to be treated respectfully and you will be. The only good thing about this situation is that once you get burned by having to initiate contact all the time and then the man opts out when you stop initiating, you’ll never fall for that behavior again. Life’s a learning lesson but sometimes you have to learn the hard way by actually losing somebody. You should spend a lot of time thinking about how much time you are actually wasting on a man that doesn’t text you much less call you. You get so caught up in waiting around that weeks, months and years can pass you by.

Stick to your guns if your man is never initiating contact with you. Break your prior texting pattern down and obliterate it. Set new standards for yourself and how you wish to be treated. Once he stops depending on hearing from you he will either go away like he already wanted to, or become more inclined to call you. It is going to be one of the two. If he still doesn’t even want to talk to you but once a month you should forget about him. The only way a relationship like this could work out would be if you also did not want a real relationship with him. Face the fact that he never calls (even once you told him how you felt about that), and then move on with your life.

If you really loved a man and had to leave him because he was treating you as an option not a priority, try not to look back and obsess over the new dates that he dredges up. Try to focus only on how he treated you and also try to learn from any mistakes you might have made that helped cause this demise. How you are treated is really what counts. We don’t cry all day because Brad Pitt isn’t with us and found someone prettier (well we do but we aren’t heartbroken over it). Shove him away as Brad Pitt and forget about him unless he comes back and starts upping his texting and calling pace. Instead of focusing on how great he is, focus on how you want to be treated.


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One Response to Why am I always the one initiating contact with him?

  1. Samantha Chancells says:

    Wow…this helped out so much! This helped me to realized that even if he isn’t interested I need to limit my contact. But its scary…ya know? What if he never calls me?

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