Why are men so secretive?

Yes it is true that men can be secretive when it comes to relationships. Women do tend to be a little bit more open yet of course that is a generalization and not always the case. Men don’t have a monopoly on secretive behavior but if you are coming to this site suspicious of his activities then we are dealing with the secretive type of man for sure.  Here are a few tips that can help you adjust your text message etiquette so that your man becomes more open rather than secretive and closed off.

The important thing for girls to do is to realize whether they are really dealing with the relationship at hand, or whether they are dealing with some sort of ideal relationship that they want but that does not really exist with this person they are texting, or expecting to text back.  The number one reason he will be secretive is that he just does not want a more involved rellationship with you.  Men are open with the women they really want to be with.  So first you need to take the relation at face value.  Second, you need to adjust any destructive behavior that may be making him more secretive.  Here are a few text etiquette tips that will encourage him not to be so secretive.

Don’t disrespect him, as it will make him more secretive

Men first and foremost want respect, communication and security. As simple as the need for respect might sound, many men will start to shut you out and tune you out if they feel you don’t respect them. This means that they expect a woman to be able to communicate honestly without having to yell, accuse, become aggressive, or shut down on them. The problem with texting is that it is very easy for women to complain and nag on text and quite quickly, the man will be turned off because of this behavior. It is way easier to misbehave and be disrespectful on text message than in person. You get carried away, he hasn’t texted you, or he acts sketchy, then boom you are all over his case sending texts to him that only hurt yourself because it will drive him away.

Don’t play mind games with him, as it will make him more secretive

Don’t mess around with mind games. You can be loyal and faithful to your partner. Speak openly to them if you need to. But at the same point don’t demoralize or trivialize his needs. A perfect example of this is when he says he is busy working and you disrespect him and taunt him or continue to text nonstop. OK maybe you know that he is active on a dating site as he claims to be busy working. Nevertheless, if you demoralize or trivialize his withes then he will become more secretive and yes, he will be looking for other women if he isn’t actively doing so already. The point is not so much that he is busy as it is the fact that he says he is busy and you still can’t back off. You continue to text him. That is game playing and trivialized his wishes.  If you continue, it will be gam over in his mind.  He will in fact secretly look for someone new that he can pursue, and not the other way around.

Communicate from a positive standpoint lest he become more secretive

Negativity will only hurt your cause.  Your ability to communicate calmly with him is essential in a positive relation. You need to be able to debate issues that are emotional without flipping out and psycho texting. Most problems stem from you failing to see the legitimacy of his concerns. You might trivialize his request that you stop texting. In his view however, that refusal to respect that he is working or busy fails to give any sort of validation to him. Ultimately he is going to become so frustrated over the fact that you can’t listen, that he in fact is going to become closed and secretive on you.

Always remember that you aren’t the only one with needs. If its important to him that he can get you to back down, stop texting him, or whatever the case may be, then it should be important to you too. It’s about reciprocating in the relation where you are able to do something that matters to them. It may not come naturally but this is what you have to learn to do if you want him to be less secretive.

Be nice

Instead of focusing on all of the negatives, you need to be able to trust him with some vulnerabilities and definitely show affection. This can be done in a multitude of ways from letting him know how great he is from time to time, to small gestures of kindness. Romance and affection will always get you further with him than some nasty text messages will! guaranteed. If you are able to get a special place in your man’s heart then he is going to be way less closed off. If on the other hand you are always pushing on him, it’s going to drive him to become more and more secretive. You become the pursuer, and he just wants to run away.

It’s about that up in your face feeling. A man does not want a woman to be up in his face. Be sweet but let him do some of the legwork and contact you. If you back off a little and don’t push too hard on him, he is going to become more open because he isn’t being harangued. Create that place of safety where, if he does come around he knows he isn’t going to get his fingers chopped off. If he doesn’t feel the need to protect his privacy then he will become way more open. If he feels like he is being pushed or questioned, boom he will become more secretive.

Be realistic about how much he likes you

Be realistic about how into you he is. Really is this just some text messages and the occasional hooking up with him? There is no relationship there! Women are such emotional creatures and if they like someone they can fabricate an entire relation in their heads that really does not exist. Be realistic about whether he is really into you or not. Being manipulative and texting him or going overboard in contacting him all the time just muddies the waters.

Be realistic about his interest level in you. If he is really interested he will definitely share his feelings. But if you are merely someone among many women on his rounds of dates, he is going to be closed. Chances are if he is closed off, he is just not being honest with you. He could well be in a relationship of mere conveniance until he meets the One that he does want to be a boyfriend to.

Men tend to be secretive for a few reasons. If he feels he is being disrespected he will become more secretive. So don’t disrespect him. If he feels like you are messing with him, not listening to him, or bothering him, he will become more closed off and secretive. Being nice to him will most likely get you the furthest, at least further than being rude or flying off the handle or throwing text tantrums. If there are issues, you need to communicate with calmness and be emotionally stable. Talk to him in person about issues rather than on text message. If you are talking about your relation on text, just assume you aren’t in much of a relation with him at all. If he really cared, you would be having such communication in person. Don’t train him that all he needs to do is text you to communicate with you as this disdains the relation and makes you into more of a booty call. Not a good place to be.

The biggest tip for the text addicted lady is that she should leave some room for him to come around and make the effort to contact you. If you do this, you will get a much better sense of how much he actually likes you. He can be secretive because he is just not that interested in you and doesn’t want to get closer.  Always evaluate the relation for what it really is, not what you want it to be in your fantasy.

Secretive men


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