Are you texting your boyfriend or girlfriend way to much and wondering why you just can‘t stop yourself from doing it? If you have a nagging hunch that you may be overdoing it with too many texts, yet continuing to do so, you are definitely not alone. Many people do this and it can become a compulsive addiction that can potentially lead your relationship down the tubes. You probably know perfectly well that you are texting too much however you are not able to stop doing it. One of the ways in which you can cure this problem is to take the time to carefully contemplate the reasons why you are doing this. Usually it is because of some over zealous thinking, anger, or insecurity about a stalling relationship. The texting is often a reaction to a gut feeling you have that something is wrong.
The bummer is that texting is more likely to hurt your situation if something is going wrong in your relationship. than help it. This article will go over some of the common reasons girls over text their boyfriend or potential boyfriend and vice versa. It might help you to see if your text addiction is linked to one of the common relationships issues presented here. To cure compulsive texting you must realize you have a problem, think and recognize what is causing you to text, and then gradually or cold turkey stop sending texts to him. Texting will not make a relationship nor will it fix a problem relationship so the best thing to do is figure out what is really bothering you and stop texting him about it.
It’s all about you, you, you
Sometimes at the outset of a relationship, or when you are a couple but you dive headlong into a tantrum over some issue that is bothering you, it becomes all about you, you, you. These are the times when you toggle onto some issue and just can’t toggle off. It’s like a light switch gets turned on and off and away you go like a bulb. In the course of it, you rarely consider what the other person is thinking or doing. Your self-centered focus can be set off when you’ve just started dating and you unilaterally decide he is the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend for you. Since you want him to fit into your picture, you start to unilaterally act like you two are together or are going to be couple. Without realizing it, you start to become demanding.
He might get overwhelmed and view you as a horse running away with its rider (the rider being him). A necessary relationship skill to be able to realize when you are getting carried away with yourself so you can put a stop to it using self control. You might latch onto some topic and send him twenty texts about it. Stop and think. Sending twenty texts about anything is actually selfish. Consider what he is going to think when he returns from his sports or activity to see 20 off the wall texts from you waiting on his phone! Trust me he won’t like it at all. The way to combat this is to realize that there are two people here and try to put yourself in his position sometimes and consider what he thinks about your deluge of incoming messages. He might view it as a tantrum, which it actually is.
Over zealous early dating and thinking he is the one
So you’ve been single for a while then you meet this great guy and he is nice, gorgeous, and everything you are wishing for. You think wow he is the one. Within the first few dates you feel pure magic with him. You are attracted to him and he seems to be attracted to you. You get intimate and think it’s on big time. So you start rushing ahead and making all these plans for the two of you together. This guy is going to feel like you are not a woman, but an oncoming bull about to rush him. It is okay to be excited but you have to realize he might be in a completely different head space than you. He doesn’t want to be the survival drink to keep you from dying of thirst in the Sahara desert of love. He barely knows you.
One of the common mistakes women and also men take when they are overwhelmed with infatuation for a new partner, is to take a big statement step. Major faux pas. For example, taking your profile down if you met on an internet dating site, announcing to him that you removed it, and expecting him to follow suit. Or, expecting him to suddenly announce on facebook that he is in a relationship with you after only a few months. If you push these issues and they’ve never even been brought up by him, he’ll be more inclined to get cold feet than to follow your lead. You need to pipe down, calm down, and wait to see where your partner wants to lead your involvement to. Then you’ll really see where they are coming from and to what degree they actually even like you. Back off on pushing relationship status early in dating process. Trying to prematurely define your relationship without the other person consenting only serves to create a bunch of smoke clouding what the real deal is. The real deal, is how much he or she contacts you and whether they want to spend time with you.
You are feeling angry at him so you are passive hostile
Passive anger comes in to the picture when you want to be together with your boyfriend, but something is going awry. Inside you are hurt and mad, but since you want to be together you keep it bottled up and try not to be the girl that complains all the time. Rather than hearing the actual complaint, he gets snide game playing messages from you that are like little kitten swipes. You may find yourself not being able to leave him alone because you have an issue that you want to needle him about. Some thing is bothering you.
An example of this is that you date for a while but he tells you that he wants to date other people and does not want to be exclusive right now. You could be massively hurt but you try to play it cool and act like its okay, even though it isn’t okay in your book. So when he does bother to come around you are secretly dieing to see him while simultaneously furious that he isn’t doing what you want him to do. So your texts become quasi insulting snipes because you can‘t seem to help yourself. For example, he asks what you are up to and you text back snide comments like, what do you care or wouldn’t you like to know. If you are feeling really annoyed then you need to calm down and formulate an appropriate time and place to tell him that something he is doing is hurting your feelings. Losing your cool and texting him like a nut case is not the solution. Rather than texting him stupid comments, make yourself more scarce. At least you won’t be sending hostile texts and venting your issues in an obtuse manner. You’ll be turning things around on him and letting him stew for once, instead of you.
He is pulling back and you are trying to ease your insecurity
It hurts when a boyfriend or girlfriend starts pulling back. Some guys are really honest and would address a breakup head on and tell you in person or on the phone its just not working for them. The only caveat is when weighing how direct they will be in confronting and dumping you, your boyfriend will evaluate your potential to totally freak out or cry hysterically. If he is scared you might react really badly he might take a more cowardly approach of doing a slow phase out breakup. He just starts to step back until pretty soon he isn’t there at all. He systematically calls you less, asks you out less, and never acts directly mean about it. This type of breakup invariably makes you want to contact him more and contributes to feeling like you just can’t leave him alone.
People who want to leave a relationship do the slow fizzle on purpose and trust me they know that they are doing it. Most guys will hope you get the message and move on yourself, saving him the trouble of dumping you directly. It’s a take the hint style of breakup. The problem with the fizzle is when you really don’t want it to fizzle. As he starts to pull back, you feel insecure and uncomfortable. Instead of facing the fact that he doesn’t want to be with you as much if at all, you start to step up the communication effort on your end. This is what you would call compensating for him and infusing the deflating relationship balloon with your own air because his air is going bye-bye. This is a very bad place to be since your texts are going to become clingy and needy and increase in volume to compensate for his decreasing texts. Pretty soon it’ll be just you texting him and him rarely responding, but it will take you a while to realize and process what is going on. Compensating for him is pointless because he’ll just think you are stalker for not taking the hint. It may actually encourage him into slotting you as a possible no strings attached girl. If you keep texting and chasing him after he’s already decided to leave the only thing you can expect is that you are going to get walked all over by this guy. Don’t stick around for it and don’t keep texting.
You are trying the friend card as a relationship strategy
Sometimes a boyfriend will break up with you because he wants to keep his options open with other girls. Since you both still have feelings for each other on some level, you might decide to act like the cool chick that doesn’t have a problem with him dating around and acting like a player. So you’ll text him as a guise to keep in touch posing as his friend when you really want a lot more, just to keep your foot in the door. Doing this only works if you have just as many good dating options as he does. If you are doing it and pretending its okay but its not okay with you, it’s a recipe for disaster.
If you want to use a friend card after your boyfriend opts out of an exclusive relationship, it is up to you. Be forewarned that this strategy can make you obsess and unable to leave him alone. It is probably not a good idea though because you really won’t be over the relationship in earnest. He’ll most likely let you remain his friend but only because you’re willing to put up with it. If you want to remain friends with him its perfectly fine however do it at a rather big distance. That means shush, no texting! Give him the gift of getting what he wants which is his freedom and maybe he will miss you. You never know. If you happen to run into him then be his friend but barring that keep your distance from him altogether and allow yourself to really and truly get over him. It could take months. If you stay in too close touch and still have feelings for him it puts you in danger of not being able to leave him alone.
You think keeping in touch will help keep you close to him
Creating smoke screen texts to try to create a relationship where none really exists is counter productive. It feels perfectly natural because you still like him and your brain and texting fingers have become accustomed to constantly touching base with him. It’s hard to suddenly cut the relationship umbilical cord and quit texting someone you used to text all the time.
If you continue to text him because your brain is programmed to, you miss him, and its an established habit, it is not a good thing. As hard as it might be, the best thing to do is to quit texting and let the emotional break go through its states of grieving. Girls who continue to text guys who have moved on have a tendency to pine, obsess and fantasize about a continued relationship with them. If it’s only you texting him, there is no relationship. You’ll just be a pesty doormat to him and it’ll stroke his ego. If you really act pathetic he’ll entertain thoughts of taking full advantage of the situation like hooking up with you every once in a while, and in the meantime trying to meet and date as many new women as he can. It’s not nice of him to do this, but if you enable him to then its like dangling a carrot in front of his face. He’ll be tempted to use you by having his cake and eating it too, if you let him.
Staying in touch via text messages with a strategy in mind that you will get back together is a bad idea. Think about it the law of scarcity and don‘t make yourself too available to someone when all you are is an option to them. They say that girls fall in love in the presence of a man and men fall in love in the absence of a woman. Give him the gift of missing you and thinking about you and wondering what you might be up to. Let him feel the fear of loss and if he honestly likes you he will indeed miss you. Hanging around as a doormat who is texting him jokes and seemingly funny cutesy sound bites will do little good other than to create a doormat persona for yourself, at least in his eyes.
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