Are you texting your boyfriend or girlfriend way too much and wondering why you just can’t stop yourself? There is usually a reason underneath all those text messages you send him. Almost always, it has to do with him bowing out on your relationship and your not wanting him to. It almost never has to do with him being busy and furthermore being busy is the most common lie of convenience he’ll use on you if you confront him about his behavior. If you find yourself texting your boyfriend too much he might be backing off and you have not realizing it yet.
It’s the only way you will actually be able to contact him
Think about this for a moment. If you don’t contact your boyfriend, would he be contacting you? Once a man decides that he is going to opt out of a relationship, he cease initiating contact with you. Then it becomes up to you how much water you want to tread chasing after him and pursuing him. Once he decides he is moving on, he will either leave completely or gradually fade out of your life. He knows precisely what he is doing. If he disappears completely it might take you a while to figure it out because you’ll start to inject your own noise into the emerging silence of your relationship by texting him all the time and pretending things are still on with the two of you. It will be nothing but a smokescreen that you create for yourself with text messages. You’ll be in denial for a while until the truth can’t be ignored any longer which is that you are the only one texting him, and he is not texting you back.
Lets not forget to point out another thing you may not have considered. Text message itself, is already a lowly form of communication. Sending a text message is sort of akin to underhanded pitch if the text is going to somebody who probably would screen their call were you to really dial them on the phone. If he is not picking up your calls don’t take that lightly or brush that alarming fact under the rug. You should be concerned if you have to text a man in order to communicate with him. What women fail to recognize is that sometimes they are on text messaging with this person because they have already been rejected off of real phone communications with him. You need to recognize when you’ve been blown off of actual phone calls and downgraded onto text. Here is a simple way to realize you’ve been downgraded. If you called him would he pick up, and has he ever called you lately? If either answer is no, you’ve been relegated onto text already. It is a sign that your relationship is ending if you have to text him because it’s the only way to get through to him. Face it. You have to send him a text message to even get through to him!
If the only way to get through to a man you’ve been seeing is to send him a text message to him because he would screen your calls, never call you back, and never calls you, then you should be aware of this. Consider leaving the relationship and stop putting in effort because your relationship doesn’t exist anymore so why should you stick around texting him. You can call it breaking up with him, but really you can’t breaking up with him since your relationship with him barely exists. It’s just a matter of acknowledging that the person you are seeing is no longer really interested in you. He’s gone.
You are in denial that the relationship has changed, or never was
Women tend to cling on for dear life to the first few dates they had with a suitor. Then when the relationship goes south or never takes off at all, they delude themselves into thinking that the relationships is ongoing by naively clinging to what happened in the first few dates. They act like that’s the same man they are with now, even though he has backed off.
Let me clarify something, that the man you saw on the first few dates may be so not the man you are with. At the beginning of the relationship the flourish factor is in play. Men realize that in order to get to know you better and also hopefully become intimate with you he they are going to have to put out a little bit of effort. He knows that in order to woo you, he has to give a little. He’ll make calls, send texts and show up when he said he would. So what you really see is a man on his best behavior, not the real man on his normal every day behavior that you‘ll get to know later when things start to relax.
Reality hits only after you have been dating a while and have become intimate. That is when all his mannerisms that wooed you are going to become either genuine, or start to taper off. The problem comes in when you are already head over heels in love with him and living, perhaps in delusion, that the man on the first few dates is the man you know now. It may not be. Unfortunately, you might fail to recognize that the relationship has drastically changed or blatantly doesn’t even exist anymore. You might not face the fact that his actions no longer support his words.
While you are busy living in the illusion of your first date, you might be missing major red flags that he is bowing out. If he is paving the way to bow out don’t miss the signs. If he is flirting with other women or still online with an active personal ad posted, you aren’t with him. If he is spending progressively less time with you, you aren’t with him. If he is ignoring what you want and need, you aren’t with him. If he is refusing to discuss minor disagreements and issues then you aren’t with him. If he is canceling plans or simply not making them anymore then you aren’t with him. If he expects you to do all the bending and communicating now then you aren’t with him. These are all indicators that the relationship has in fact changed since those first few dates, and drastically.
Take stock of the relationship now not how it was in the initial flourish stage. If the relationship has changed for the worse, then you aren’t with him. If you still fail to recognize signs that the relationship has changed or never existed in the first place run a simple test on your status by executing a stop texting test on him. If you never hear back from your man, you aren’t with him. Driving this point home is important because the longer you are in denial the more depressing its going to be when you have to see the truth. It’s also important because as you squirm he’ll be one step ahead of you analyzing your potential to become a no strings attached girlfriend.
If you are naive enough to keep clinging to him, and don’t bother him too much either, you’re a perfect candidate for being an on again off again girlfriend whom he has no commitment to. You are on a slippery precipice with this man and if you fail to heed the signs of a deteriorating or stalled relationship and keep putting up with him you might become more than just ditched you might become a person getting used, if you are naïve and clueless enough to allow it. Once you become that to him, you’ll never ever be his girlfriend. Respect will be gone. And, you’re in for a long and nasty recovery period when you finally refuse to see him. At that point you’ll have to process the whole down spiral and recover your self esteem.
You don’t want to face that you are single and alone
Being single is lonely for everyone. Even though deep down you know he’s gone you might choose to stay in denial that your relationship with him exists or will get better somehow. This is where you start to fill in the relationship with your own text messages to make pretend it’s going two ways when it no longer is. This is also the time where you deny the relationship is over and start making excuses for him. Women can concont so many excuses even the man will be amazed and happy that you are inventing excuses for him. You’ll make up excuses for disappearing act, even ones he never thought of because he is not that creative and imaginative. Common excuses that women buy into are he’s busy, oh the relationship is just settling in so that’s why he’s not pursuing me as much, he’s on the fence, he’s scared of commitment, he’s a commitment phobic, he has other things on his plate, he’s moving, he needs to make more money, he can’t afford to take me out is why he’s not asking me out, he’s preoccupied, and his flirtatious comments on photos of women that crop up on his face book are just innocent compliments.
You know the drill. You make all the excuses in the world for a man because the reality is that you don’t want to face the fact that you really are single and are going to be either alone or have to motivate and reenter back into the dating scene, alone. No matter how much you want to pretend that things are still going with him by texting him comments and jokes all the time, you will have to face the sound of his non response eventually. Slipping into denial feels comfortable but its really just a temporary respite on your way to getting through and over your break up and realization that you are officially single again.
Boredom and fear of getting depressed when you hear your own echo
Men tend to be the ones that will hang around in a stale relationship for a while still getting benefits meanwhile looking for exit options. Women are like stones in the river and they want to step to the next stone without getting their feet wet. While you are going through your denial and making excuses for him, he might be cooling his heels and still keeping you on a string while he looks for and dates other people. There is a code name for this stage of your relationships demise, which is that he claims he’s not ready for a relationship. News flash. Men are ready for a relationship if they want to be in one with the right woman.
Sometimes, girls act like men. They also don’t want to get their feet wet. They don’t want to sit home on their Friday and Saturday night off. They don’t want to be dateless. They don’t want to go to the movie alone. They don’t want to meet new suitors that will never compare to the man they are (not) with and still like. So what do they do? They cool their heels along with their ex and keep seeing him and accepting minimal attention because they don’t want to get bored and depressed alone on a prime weekend night.
If you are texting just to make some noise and be in denial so that you don’t have to hear the sound of your own echo alone in the house, you shouldn’t be. The sooner you run your communication test on him and stop texting and realize you’ll never hear from him or rarely hear from him, the better. Because hearing the sound of your own echo is the first step to realizing that you aren’t with your boyfriend anymore because he is no longer interested. Once you realize that you aren’t with him you can deal with the breakup and go through all the heartbreak recovery phases so that you can finally over him and get on with your life. Get on with your life and go on to live a life where you have a boyfriend that actually returns a text message and wants to talk to you on the phone.
Jeolousy and a compulsion to stalk and snoop him using texts
Sometimes instead of breaking up and accepting it, you go into fantasy ideal about the relationship. Fantasy land involves a mixture of jealousy, anger, compulsion, obsession, and not knowing when or how to throw in the towel. If you talked to your boyfriend all the time and then they vanish it leaves an emotional vacuum. Instead of going into the vacuum for a while so you can accept it, deal with it, and get over it, you start to fill the vacuum. What you fill it with is time spent obsessing and persevering about him.
The obsessing usually involves talking to all of your girlfriends until they just can’t take it anymore and refuse to talk about him with you, surfing online web sites about relationships like this one and reading all the advice, cruising his face book and trying to snoop, snooping his friends list, enlisting friends to friend him so you can spy on him, looking at his online profiles all the time, reviewing everything that went wrong in your head over and over again, sending desperate text messages to him in a vain attempt to plead to him or be funny and catch his interest.
If you just don’t want to let go you will fill the break up with your own text messages to him. It will work for a while. Every once in a while he might send a response back to you when he is bored that one second in time. And while he ponders if he can flip you into an on again off again girlfriend who requires no dates, no commitment, and no money without you going fatal attraction on him, you continue to text message him thinking that you are keeping it together. Keeping you options open with him.
Let me let you in on a big secret. Texting him is a waste of time and all you are doing is annoying him with useless text message air and useless words. If he isn’t contacting you, don’t even bother because it is a complete waste of your time and precious energy and you will just get more upset in the long run. Every time you hear of him making a new friend, you are going to become jealous comparing yourself to her and wondering why you aren’t good enough to be his girlfriend. You’ll just chip away at your own self esteem needlessly. He had his reasons for disappearing on you and you can’t control it. After some time passes you’ll know what you both did wrong. You can try to make corrections in at least your behavior, since you can only control yourself. You need to give him the gift of never seeing you for a good long while. He may not care or miss you at all, but give him the precious gift of being gone from his landscape nonetheless.
If you just can’t leave him alone if may be the fact that he is pulling away and you just don’t want it to be over. If this is the case then pursuing him is pointless as it will make you appear needy and desperate. Don’t make excuses for him or try to pick up slack by contacting him all of the time. The best advice is to let him go. If he misses you then he will get in touch.
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