Have you ever wondered in amazement why some men seem to like selfish women better? You might think that being sweet and loving gets you the guy but in some cases, self-centered women do fare better. It may be because the man is considering factors other than kindness. For example. hot looks, younger, popular girls do well. A man may not judge a woman just on how kind she is. The fact of the matter is that some girls who aren’t as sweet do better because they have solid boundaries and enough options that they will not allow themselves to be taken advantage of. This makes them more attractive to men, even though they may not be sweeter in terms of personality. If you are a woman who lets him know that you’ll walk away forever if he takes you for granted, he will feel more attracted. If takes guts and it has to be real, not a bluff or an act. You really have to put your self-respect above anything else and that includes him. To a certain extent, being selfish is even more important than being sweet.
Men like to get away with what they can, so if you are too sweet you might get walked all over
The reason why a self-centered woman actually does well in the dating marketplace is the same as the stereotypical reason that women like bad boys more than the nice ones. A self-centered woman reigns supreme because she won’t put up with any of his crap or selfishness. Nice women don’t always finish fist. It’s not to say you can’t be nice, it’s to say that if you are too meek, sweet and accommodating, you can potentially get walked all over by a man. You aren’t putting yourself and your needs first. Men tend to sink to the lowest level of keeping you happy with minimal effort. So if you accept poor treatment, and still act sweet, poor treatment is what you will tend to get. Men love women who are go-getters, sassy and challenging. She’s the woman who will in fact get angry over poor treatment and she will let him know in no uncertain terms whats up with that.
Selfish women are a challenge, and men love a challenge
Men love a challenge, so if you are too sweet you might be taking away the thrill of a challenge and the conquest of getting through to a woman that not every man gets through to. It sounds counter-intuitive but it can often pay off to be a more selfish date. This is especially true if you find yourself being relegated into the boooty-call or good-time girl category. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. Women who are too sweet and accommodating to bad behavior are women who can benefit from focusing more on themselves when dating. It doesn’t hurt to try. If you find yourself getting walked all over then ditched for the next best opportunity, or becoming the fall back girl that he treats like a faithful doormat, get selfish. Not only will it make you happier, it will lead you to better relationships.
How to become more selfish, and more successful in dating
If you want to become a little bit more selfish here are a few traits that you can foster. The first thing is to develop a strong sense of what you want and what you don’t want. Establish a strong list of deal-breakers that will serve as a hard-core guideline to what you will and won’t put up with. It’s selfish, but its a great way to establish boundaries.
Always establish deal breakers with respect to text messaging. Men that treat you poorly on text message are men that are likely to treat you poorly in general. Men can be lazy and downright selfish. If you’re only nice to him and giving in all the time, then he will start to lean and push against your boundaries and take advantage. You’ll be forced into a situation where he pushes even more and you’re expected to give even more without snapping. An example would be, he breaks a date at 5PM on a Friday night, and you’re expected to be sweet and understanding about that. Eventually, you are going to snap when he pushes too far. If you let him get too spoiled he will become an out of control child constantly taking without ever giving back.
If he barely texts back, runs hot and cold, falls off the map, and ignores you, beware. Thats the makings of a toxic relationship. One way to be selfish is to insist that he is contacting you as much as you are contacting him. Even if this means you wind up without him, you will be saving yourself wasted time on players, while protecting your health, and maintaining healthy emotional stability. If you tend to text message a guy in order to get in touch with him, reconsider. Set a boundary that you aren’t going to date a guy if you are the one having to get in touch with him first all the time.
Once a guy has you operating at the text level, he’s going to keep you boxed in just like that. He will find that resting point of minimal effort required to keep you around. If you want to be a little more selfish, don’t go from text to dates, and definitely don’t go from text to sex. Selfish means, if he wants to see you then he can pick up the phone every once in a while. If he wants to see you, he can see you outside the bedroom and outside of just hanging out at home all the time. You need air, after all. All of these little boundaries really matter and they dictate whether you come of as a potential girlfriend or just a potential intimate buddy.
Men love women with strong boundaries
Men love boundaries because they have to figure you out and figure our how far they can push before being put in their place. They misbehave, then get shown by you, what will and won’t be tolerated in no uncertain terms. Think of Stossi on Vanderpump Rules. She’s not too sweet and constantly throws the gauntlet down for Jax, who then bends himself backwards trying to please her and get her back. The key to establishing deal-breakers is that you need to make them more important than say, looks, chemistry and physical attraction.
He needs to know that you will leave him if he disrespected you. He needs to know that you will not tolerate cheating, players, liars and flakes who never text you back. Most women that get treated poorly are dating up. They are dating someone they feel is out of their league and because they are scared of losing the person they are putting up with poor treatment just to have them stick around. They become too nice to keep the guy because they are caught up in how replaceable they are. This is the type of woman who gets used while he continues to look around for other opportunities. In fact, if you act too sweet and put up with a player, you are even more likely to be a string along girlfriend because he sees that you are so nice that you will put up with it! That’s a win for him and bad news for you.
A selfish women cares more about her deal-breakers than she cares about keeping the guy no matter how gorgeous he is. She is selfish about what she wants and won’t accommodate or be sweet when he is cancelling plans or refusing to spend a weekend night with her. She will jettison a guy if she needs to. It’s this personality trait that men are actually attracted to, sometimes even more than sweetness. It’s a woman who has a clear-cut idea of how she is going to be treated.
Boundaries provide you with a clear-cut road-map that tells you where you will and will not go with a guy. It defines what you will and will not do as you go through your dating journey with him. If you set, communicate and maintain your boundaries you are far less likely to find yourself landed in casual, hookup, fly-by-night relationships. The key is to be into your dating but always making healthy choices, staying safe and enjoying the process overall as a positive experience. If somebody is violating your ethics, you weed them out of your dating life. Sure you may have less action because you aren’t going to be playing the field so loosely anymore, but you would be surprised. You may start to become the girl who does get the guy.
It’s nice to be sweet but when it comes to men it can pay off to be selfish and a bit spoiled. That way, your needs get met or you simply don’t get involved. You know all those girlfriends who spend months and even years toiling after a guy that isn’t going to commit? Such relatinships are such total time sinks and time wasters. The sooner you set your own boundaries and get more selfish about what you want, the sooner you cut ties with fruitless relationships. Thats why these non-commital men move on and then commit to the next woman, who won’t tolerate being the string along girl. With strong boundaries, you might have longer spans of being single but you will be emotionally stronger and in a better position to attract men as boyfriends rather than sexmates.
When you are looking at a partner, make sure to consider number 1. That’s you. You don’t have to be bossy, abrasive, and bitchy. You do however, have to be a sweet girl who nevertheless is 100 percent looking out for her own interests. You aren’t just there to please someone. Ask yourself if you like him enough to get involved with him, rather than spending your time worrying about how he feels about you. Selfishness simply means, caring about your own needs and making sure your potential partners don’t take you for granted.