Why does he treat her well and not me?

So you met him and at the outset of your relationship he seemed like Price Charming.  He called, he texted, he made plans, he seemed to care. 

Then slowly over a matter of months things started to fizzle out.  You gave him excuse after excuse for poor behavior pretending and hoping he was the same guy he was when you first met.  But ultimately, you found yourself to be the one texting him and largely getting ignored while he focused his attention elsewhere. 

He claimed he didn’t want to get into a relationship but before your very eyes he materializes on his Facebook and social networking sites with another woman and there he is, showing her off!  He looks like he is doing all the things for her that he refused to do for you.  So you ask why her not me?

Why didn’t you see the writing on the wall?

Relationships that dwindle from phone calls to text are usually on their way out.  Relationships that remain crippling along only on text are usually the ones where one person is in denial that the relationship is casual and still desperately hanging on while the other is steadily moving on.  When you ask why he never texts you or returns your text and questions of that nature you are usually involved in a relationship that has seen better days.  Dismissively ignoring text messages or ranting on text or giving silent treatment on text are tell-tale signs that he (or she) just does not care enough to respond. 

If you didn’t see the writing on the wall it may be that you just didn’t want to see the writing on the wall. You were hopeful that everything would go back to the way it was in the beginning and clung to that person you met not the person he became after good behavior was over with. To give men credit, they often will get involved then realize there are traits that are not indicative of the one they really want to come across.  Remember that they are in the relationship too and if they realize you aren’t the woman that knocks their socks off and never will be, what are they supposed to do? Stay with you? 

Most men have an internal unique list of their ideal woman and if you simply lack physical or emotional traits or characteristics that are mandatory for them, they might rule you out. You can’t imagine what those traits are but sometimes it is just a natural attraction, click, or chemistry that he feels the two of you lack once he gets to know you well.

How did he move on so quickly?

Usually he does not move on all that quickly.  Usually the relationship is already have some troubles that you fail to see and he is scanning for options on the outside.  Men like to use women to move on and that is no secret.  Women are like stones with him crossing a river and men don’t want to have to get their feet wet.  Call it comfort, an ego boost or security, but a man often has an alternative plan in place when he finally opts out of his relationship with you for good.  By the time he leaves, someone is usually waiting in the wings.  So if you are surprised that he moved on so quickly, don’t be.  That is what men do when they break up.  They find someone else for comfort and convenience.

Why does he treat her better

If you are wondering why he only texted you and showed up on your doorstep late at night after his evening was over but he spends the entire evening with her, wonder no more.  It is often the case that with the next women she won’t put up with the poor treatment he demoted you to towards the end of your relation.  He is on his best behavior and he knows that he has a clean slate with no old messes to deal with (yet).

If she won’t put up with disrespect, he is forced to try harder and act better with the new woman.  Some women have good boundaries and they won’t be with a man who doesn’t treat her well.  These are the women that get men chasing them and committing to them because they have respect for themselves and will opt out if treated shoddily.  The treatment you expect to get and the treatment you tolerate is the treatment you will get.

So, he seems to treat her better than you.  That is not to say that he will not revert back to the real him after a while.  He might be acting perfectly upon getting a fresh start with a new woman, but never fear.  Eventually he will become the same person you knew really well.  His flaws will likely still be there.  People don’t change all that miraculously.  They are still who they are.  Men who habitually dump women are always on perfect behavior at the beginning.  He is just going through the honeymoon phase.  Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t pan out and he comes back around.

Why it is a waste of time to obsess over her

Some women are able to block out the new woman easily. They figure that is he didn’t want to be in her life it doesn’t matter who they go find and want in their life after that point.  Others however dwell on why her not me.  They will stalk him and her on Facebook, gossip about them, even do something nasty for revenge.  These petty games usually get you nowhere and merely validate to him that you should have been left behind.

Even if you picked apart every single thing that went wrong you’ll never figure it out.  It can be compatibility, age, background, wealth, ethnicity, personality, chemistry, and just plain timing.  But no matter what it is about her, the main thing you should do is to try to throw focus back on yourself and your own life. 

She does not matter, your life does.  The fact that he chose her has to do with mostly with him.  He had his reasons and there is little logic to it.   He felt some sort of draw to her.  In certain cases if he got away with treating you poorly he might actually hold it against you figuring you weren’t a valuable commodity. Men often commit to a women they know they have to commit to in order to lock her down. 

Ultimately it does not matter why her and not you it just matters that it is not you.  You might be able to learn something about what went wrong and have better boundaries in place next time around, but to obsess about him with her is hardly helpful.  Besides, why pine away for someone that has chosen to take his chances with someone new already?


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