Why guys hate ultimatums

Today’s etiquette tip has to do with do’s and don’ts on texting you man.  If you are wondering where all the good men are it is possible that you just aren’t doing what it takes to attract the right man to you.  You may be behaving in a way that kills the intense attraction that your man needs to feel in order to want to treat you right from the very start of your relationship.

When and what to text

One tactic that should be avoiding on text message is giving him ultimatums. Threatening to end a relationship on text message is just rude. Text your boyfriend to exchange simple logistical information quickly, to confirm plans, to touch base, to respond to his texts, or to lightly flirt with him on occasion. Text him only as much as he texts you. Texting too much, giving him ultimatums and issuing threats on text are considered bad text message etiquette.

Guys hate being told what to do

Guys just hate being told what to do. If you confront, argue or judge them they hate that too. The thing about giving an ultimatum is that it is a do this or else mentality. Instead of telling your man it’s been a year since we’ve been living together and if you don’t propose I am breaking up, you should tell him that you love him and envision being with him for ever and getting married as part of that plan.

An approach with love and kindness will get you further than scolding him like his mother. If he ignores what you want entirely, or procrastinates, then he is sending you a message with his avoidance behavior.  Consider removing yourself from the relationship for a while rather than badgering the relationship into ruins because he won’t do what you want when you want it.

Giving your man an ultimatum is a bad idea

The biggest mistake that women make is to try to force their hand in a bad relationship once they feel like it is stuck in the mud.  Giving your man an ultimatum is a very bad idea.  Giving a man an ultimatum on text message is the worst idea ever.  If you have ever pressed send on a text message to your man such as “If you don’t show up for this I am never going to talk to you again” this is an example of a text message ultimatum.

If you don’t take your profile down off the Internet by the end of this week consider our relationship over,  btw I am not kidding around I hate you for this!

This is the perfect example of what a woman might do after patiently hoping that her boyfriend takes his online dating profile down off the Internet.  The problem is that men do not respond positively to ultimatums, deadlines, and all or nothing threats of consequences.  This just brings out the worse in a man if you text them this type of message.  They will be less likely to make a commitment to you than more likely after getting messages like this.  A man wants to be with a woman who makes his life better not filled with drama.  Men hate drama.

Bringing out the worst in him with text message threats

Threatening a man may get him to change his behavior temporarily in order to avoid a skirmish, however, it won’t do anything towards getting a real commitment out of him.  An ultimatum and particularly one that is delivered by a text message threat is not the way to communicate what your needs are to a man.

Making demands and threats is just bad etiquette, plain and simple.  If you feel like your relationship is stalling out, you are frustrated with his commitment level, and you need more, then you probably have some valid issues.  But threatening him and taking out your relationship frustration on text by making demands is not the way to get what you want.

Don’t talk about your relationship on text

Do you know what a text message relationship is?  It’s a relationship that your man manages on text while not putting in the real effort of getting to know you.  The minute you start to discuss your relationship on text message with him, you yourself are making yourself into his text message relationship girl.  Don’t do it!  Don’t talk about relationship matters on text and in fact, keep texting down to a minimum.  That way, you will either be in a relationship or you won’t.  The best way to avoid a text message relationship is to just stop texting.  If you find yourself having fights on text message then you are in a text message relationship.  Issuing rude ultimatums will only make matters worse.

Why threats on text are such bad etiquette

Threats on text are rude, harsh and masculine.  This is the last thing in the world that would work to bring your man closer to you.  Remember that commitment doesn’t work for men as it does for women.  In order to want to move into a loving lasting relationship, a man has to feel intense emotional and physical attraction to you.  Threatening him will only drive him away.

This is where some women listen too closely to books like The Rules and put their man on the chopping block too quickly when he doesn’t do what they want.  When you are at a point where you want to issue a relationship do or die threat as a text message is the exact time that you should be working less in a relationship.  Removing yourself sends a stronger message than becoming aggressive and it keeps you from getting into a mud slinging text exchange with him.

Wait for the right opportunity, hopefully in person, to tell your man what you want and need out of your relationship.  If he doesn’t deliver then back off from him and let him come around to you.  Issuing rude threats no matter how much he deserves them are just rude.  It’s bad etiquette and today’s tip is to avoid them.  Men hate ultimatums so think twice before you send him one. 

Here is yet another reason not to issue ultimatums.  If you do issue ultimatums and then fail to stand by them, his respect for you will erode significantly.  He knows you’re just blowing steam and he will start to ignore your real needs, instead viewing them as nagging.  If your man is not giving you what you need then remove yourself rather than get aggressive.  Men need to be inspired by a woman in order to want to commit and issuing threats on text message will not inspire him.  When and if he does come around, let him know what you need to feel secure in a lasting relationship.  That way, it’s him driving the relationship rather than you.


This entry was posted in Text Etiquette. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *