Why her and not me?

Are you reeling after being dumped by text?  Is your ex already involved with someone new?  Did he or she seemingly get over you overnight as if it were nothing? 

As you try to figure out what happened and make sense of things, he’s already moved on to someone new and is seemingly giving her everything that he didn’t give you.  He may even subtly rub it in your face. 

As you were cut off and writhing in pain still, maybe you texted and texted hoping to work it out.  But the only result was that you fed his ego and now he makes fun of you calling him crazy and a stalker.  Meanwhile, he’s flaunting his new girl like he never did you.

If you following the pattern of texting after you got your head chopped off it’s time to shake it off, pick up the pieces and move on.  He obviously has.  No sense in obsessing about him anymore since he’s obviously occupied with someone new.  The best way to handle yourself is to just go no contact.  Doesn’t matter how crazy or pathetic you acted you reacted right after the chop.  You can always start the no contact now.  Today.

Will he continue to abuse with the next person?

Ex boyfriends have miraculous ways of making you feel like you weren’t good enough and then as if to show you, they move forward giving the new woman more of themselves.  You feel like he’s giving her everything he refused to give to you.  If you find yourself jealous or even angry that she gets all of your hard work and sweat equity handed to her on a silver platter, take heart.  He is most likely on his best behavior and twisting the little goodbye knife in your back.  He is who he is and a new girl does not change that.

If your ex boyfriend was lying and cheating or exhibiting other mean and even sociopathic traits it is not like this part of his personality will be magically gone with the next person that comes along.  You may have helped to bring out those bad traits in him but you were past the honeymoon phase that he’s presently in with her.  You can’t compare the two.  A leopard has a hard time changing his spots and you only see a shiny new outside of a brand new relationship not the dirty inside.

Don’t be fooled by his seemingly perfect new relationship

Men in particular, tend to move on by lining someone else up.  He lines up someone and leaves you unceremoniously and while you’re still dizzy from getting tossed off his rollercoaster he’s riding along with someone new.  Hang in there because she can have him.  It won’t be long before she figures him out and sooner or later she will.  Heck he may even wind up back at your doorstep if things go south with her.  If he is not with you try not to care who he is with.  Try not to compare or analyze it.

You can’t stop yourself from missing him or even loving him.  But just know that the person you thought he was, was more fantasy than reality.  Reality is that he’s a dude that respected you so little that he dumped you with a text message.  If he was mean to you and hurtful then really all he has done is moved on to a fresh victim.  It may seem all rosy with him and the new girl but it won’t take too long for his true self to shine though and come out in the open.  The odds are that if he hurt you he might hurt a veritable trail of people on the way to his Mrs Right.

If he wasn’t healthy with you he won’t be healthy with her

If your boyfried was a liar and a cheater on her then the odds are high that he will become the same evil person with the new girl.  In fact, since your crossover was so fast he probably was cheating on her by still seeing you right before you broke up.  The two relationships were overlapping and even though he’s lying to her face he was cheating on her as well.

Normal people connect on all levels and they have empathy.  If he was normal and it didn’t work out with you, he would have broken up with you in a gentlemenly manner (not by text like a coward).  If you were dumped by a stupid text message it’s likely that your entire relationship was riddled with problems or that your relationship was mostly a fantasy in your head and not reality.

In one breakup I had the chance to talk to the new girl this person was dating and it was chilling because she had some of the same exact fears and concerns that I had!  Remember, you don’t get to talk to the new person and you really don’t know what that person is concerned about.  You’re just seeing them together and he seems more committed so you assume everything is perfect.

Sometimes you just aren’t the right one for him

Sometimes you just aren’t the right one for him.  Something about you just didn’t set bells off in his mind saying girlfriend material.  Sure it could have been how you acted but there are so many other variables.  Men could date dozens of women and then suddenly commit to one that is local or from his own neighborhood.  Did you live an hour away from him?  Were there constraints in your availability that could have been problematic?  All sorts of  subtle and not so subtle considerations are at play when someone decides to get serious with one gal verses another. 

Sometimes the right woman is a confluence of so many factors that you didn’t even contemplate.  Could be timing, where she lives, if she’s already part of his everyday life or circle of friends, and so on.  Maybe it was her personality.  Perhaps he just could see her fitting into his life better than you would have. 

It could be that she just put up with less of his bad behavior so he had to be on better behavior initially in oder to date her.  A woman with strong constitution and boundaries will walk on a man before she’ll put up with his crap. She may have just had clearer boundaries and expectatinos than you so he followed her rules better.  She might have him on a tighter choke chain and behaving better but who knows if it will last or work out long term.   Maybe he’ll abide by her terms now but tire of the choke hold later on.

Some dating experts say you shouldn’t waste years on a man who is dragging his feet because it increases the chance that he will commit to the next person not you.  Keep moving forward until you connect with someone that you click with and are in the same time frame with in terms of desiring a relationship.  As they say when it’s on, its on.  So you want to be the person that he comes across and really clicks with and straightens up his act for.  Not the one moving heavon and earth for years while he creeps and continues to search for the one.

Sure there is always that one great guy that got away and went off happily ever after with the next woman that came along.  Well someone has to be the woman before that and maybe it was you this time.  Try not to let it get you down.  The chances are that if he rudely dumped you by text message, he really wasn’t the Prince Charming who got away that you made him out to be.

If you are losing sleep over a man that dumped you by text you shouldn’t be!  Go to sleep and forget about him.  Go no contact if you have to.  You’ll get over it and be stronger.  You’ll have a better idea of what you are looking for and what you will and won’t put up with in a relationship.  If you got dumped by text message you probably should have seen the writing on the wall and been walking away from that relationship much sooner than you did.

Would you really want a guy back that dumped you by text?

Would you really want a guy back that had the un-decency to dump you by text message? OK your answer should be heck no! If he did you like that he does not respect you and no amount of texting him or trying to work it out with him will help. He’s crossed the line into the disrespect territory. The best way to handle it is to not take the breakup seriously but take never talking to him again seriously indeed. A guy who breaks up with you by text deserves to never be talked to again. If he’s in your circle of friends and you can’t avoid him then avoid him for a while and downgrade him into the acquaintance or friend zone. Let it go.


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