Why it is that he dated you for years, dumped you by text message, then married or committed to that next woman he met

I met someone and I don’t want to see you anymore. I expect you to act like an adult. She has me now, and I do not wish to see anyone else. When I told you I was a bachelor I meant what I said, and I don’t owe you anything as I made it clear I would not commit to you. I did not want to meet anyone, or plan to. It just happened. Don’t contact me anymore I don’t care what you have to say or want to hear your theories. We had a good run but it’s over. I met someone and do not want you bothering me. If I get unwanted texts to my phone you will be sorry you met me. Grow up. Move on.

The ultimate dumping by text happens when a man is dating you but then meets a woman who he is seriously interested in pursuing a relationship with. He’ll be so smitten with this new woman that he will act ruthless in his break up with you because he needs to quickly and effectively eliminate you from the landscape and get you out of his way. He needs to immediately clear the decks. When you could potentially wreck a new relationship potential that he found for himself, is going to be the time when he will deliver the most ruthless sort of text breakup. Sometimes it’s not even you its just the fact that a new woman has knocked his socks off and he needs to clear his landscape fast no matter who gets hurt.

There’s a woman that a man likes and is willing to date, and there’s a woman that a man falls in love with and wants to make his girlfriend. And there’s a big difference between the two. Texting your boyfriend (or girlfriend) will not make you the one. Either you are, or you aren’t. Texting won’t help him commit to you, won’t make him like you any more, and more than likely it will have an effect of driving him away and turning him off.

Why texting him won’t make you the One he commits to

Experience has told me that when a guy really likes you, he really likes you. You don’t have to text him down. If you are spending a lot of time with your boyfriend and there is hardly any texting, it’s because you are together, it’s the best sign of all. Texting as a primary means of relationship communication amounts to him purposefully lodging an emotional obstacle between the two of you. Its somewhere between not together, and not apart. And its not a good place to be for a woman. Relationships that are heavily text based rarely lead towards commitment and often lead towards tumultuous on off go nowhere relationships. If it starts on text, it ends on text. He sees you casually but continues to date around and look for the one.

Having been both the woman that gets proposed to and treated like a girlfriend or wife, and the woman that is just an option while he’s scanning for the real thing on the side, I can relay a few notable differences between the two. A man who is scanning for options is the same man that won’t commit to you, won’t bring you into his life for real, and keeps you at that text message distance. He has a lot of excuses such as he is too busy for a girlfriend or that he is happy being uncommitted and can’t take on the responsibility. He is full of excuses. Don’t ignore the signs.

It’s the brutal truth but sometimes a man is just out of your league and while he may like you, he knows he has the potential to meet someone better and trade up. If a man is seeing you occasionally and keeping in touch with text in between, he is not committed. And, a man that is not committed like this at the outset, is probably a man who is never going to get committed, at least not with you.

That knock your socks off feeling a man gets when he knows a woman is the one

What I’ve learned is that a man will often continue to see a woman he likes somewhat but is not in love with, endlessly. But he just won’t make a commitment her. He’ll keep himself available for the real thing. The good enough for now woman who is getting strung along by him while he looks, will inevitably be driven crazy by his dating antics and her insecurity will wreck the relationship in the end anyways. Either she’ll text nag him into leaving her, or he’ll eventually find someone better and dump her by text.

When a man meets you and thinks you are the one, he is immediately smitten. He’ll be completely into you 100%. Suddenly, a relationship and having you around all the time all to himself sounds appealing. He’ll view you as having something to offer him and imagine how great your life together would be. Basically, he will become just like a girl in love, totally into it. He’ll call when he is supposed to, show up when he is supposed to and put himself on his best behavior. If he has dating profiles up on line, he’ll yank them down. If you’re thirsty, he’ll be handing you a water bottle.

I think a man knows he is smitten, inherently knows this, within the first 15 minutes of meeting you. You are either someone he’s going to back bends for and commit to completely, or you are just someone he’s willing to date while still keeping his options over. Every man wants to find that ideal woman that truly knocks his socks off. And when he finds her, he’s not texting and disappearing for two weeks at a time. He’s there and in it for real. He’s calling, planning, hanging out, meeting friends, texting, coming out with pictures of you and commenting on your face book and so forth. He is downright into you that he does not care who else knows or sees it.

The proclaimed bachelor who becomes some other woman’s boyfriend literally over night

In the case of my bout with text addiction that led to a relationships demise and the creation of this blog, my proclaimed bachelor type romantic interest had an on/off text relationship with me for years. Both of us were divorced, single, and hadn’t found anyone. We liked each other but I liked him way more than he liked me. He continued to keep his options open as we went through cycles of fighting over our relationship status on text message, getting together, then getting back into a text fight. It was the classic text message relationship.

His excuse for all that time was that he was happy being a bachelor and had no intention of marrying again and was just enjoying his life. Deep down I knew it was a line but since I also had not found anyone and was in love with him, I just let it drag on, hoping that time would get us closer together. It did not. One day I got the dreaded message. I met someone and don’t want to see you anymore. We had a good run but it’s over.

The woman that he did meet, and I have no idea how the story of them ended, was in his words, young, hot and loaded. She fit the bill for his dream girl better than I. She had exotic looks and a more jet setter type lifestyle. She had pictures of her large circle of friends, was traveling all over the world, lived a tempting luxurious wealthy lifestyle, had a positive sunny outlook on life, lots of family, and other inviting qualities that made her the type of woman men dream about. As far as he was concerned she had it all. She, was girlfriend material.

She was someone who he wanted to be with for real. Someone, that he was willing to give up his bachelor lifestyle for. I, was just a regular, albeit beautiful woman, that he was dating while he was looking for Miss Right. I can’t say that I regret having had the romance. Would you turn down being with a Brad Pitt look-alike for a few years? But had I jettisoned him years earlier at the first sign of his texting me rather than calling me, I would have saved myself a big giant heartache.

Just remember, that texting and pursuing that man will not get you the man. Sometimes, you just don’t fit his ultimate ideal of who he wants to trade his single status in for. Sometimes, you just aren’t the one. No amount of texting will help. In every break up someone has to be the one that one that gets broken up with. Some woman is going to be that woman that was the one he dated before he found her. And to a certain extent his breakup attitude was right. You have to be an adult, accept it, and move on.

Sometimes you win, and sometime you lose. Sometimes you are that one he wants to commit to, and sometimes you are the one that he dates right before he meets the one. If you don’t want to get your heart broken, recognize the signs that you are the girl he texts not calls. Don’t rationalize it away and refuse to accept the truth. Deal with the truth, then decide if you want to risk getting inevitably hurt or get out while the getting is good. At least, you’ll be making your choice with your eyes wide open.


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