Why loss of trust in a love relationship may lead to nonstop texting

Have you wondered why you text too much or why they text you too much in a relationship that is breaking down? 

Anger, frustration, obsession, control and manipulation are likely reasons that you or your partner can’t stop texting but sometimes, it’s just a matter of trust.  If trust is lost or eroding in a love relationship it can lead to insecurity, fear of loss and needy text message.

Build trust in a relationship

Trust is the relationship glue.  When faced with adversity, trust can keep a couple together and losing trust can rip a relationship apart.  If trust is lost it usually creates a crisis in a relationship.  Sadly, when one partner breaches trust, the other partner is left holding the bag.  Having to swallow up lies and let go of anger is hard work for the person who was betrayed.  Often, a betrayal of trust will lead to so much confusion and cognitive dissonance in the betrayed that the chasm of doubts created cannot be recovered from.

Trust gives you a sense of security.  If you have betrayed your partner, they have lost their sense of security in you.  Maybe you cheated or lied to them.  You may have had your reasons such as that the relationship was getting distant, but nonetheless your partner will be devastated if they find out they are betrayed.  They will be so confused by loving you but at the same time feeling betrayed, that they might start to obsessively text you.


Even the smallest lie can ruin a relationship.  For example, lets say you borrow a small amount of money from your partner and promise to pay it back or return the gest with a specific favor.  If you fail to deliver on your promise, trust is broken.  Though your partner might try to brush it aside the breach will definitely be stored away in his or her mind.  After an accumulation of breaches in trust, the relationship will suffer disastrous repercussions.

It is important to be honest with your partner.  If you are dishonest your partner might go ballistic.  People who type in to google search that they can’t get their ex to stop text messaging them, are often the very same people that betrayed their partner.  If you don’t want to be texted like crazy, be honest and truthful to your romantic partner.  The truth may hurt them however lies and dishonesty usually wind up hurting them more.

Be reliable

If you make a promise to your partner, try to keep it.  This is a trust building exercise.  Stick to your word.  And if you can’t, provide an explanation however weak it is.  Let’s say you promised your partner to attend an important event with them.  If you then have to cancel, don’t blow them off.  Provide an explanation however weak it is, rather than disappearing and becoming unreliable.  Even if you have to say “I’m being a real flake in not coming through for you and I know it” this is better than being an unreliable no-show who forgets what they agreed to do. 

Try to be reliable and if you have to cancel don’t do it by text message.  Pick up the phone.  Cancelling at the last moment by text message can really miff off your mate.  Stay true to the promises you make to your love interest, and own up to the promises you break as quickly as possible.  This shows you can be relied on and that you can own up to the occasions where you don’t come through.  For example, if you’ve borrowed something and not returned it yet, don’t pretend this didn’t happen.  Be sure to let your partner know you haven’t forgotten and plan to follow through.


Set boundaries and stick to them.  If your partner understands what you will and will not tolerate then they will be more likely to respect you.  If you don’t tolerate excessive texts then you are less likely to get them.  If you get into fights and your partner sends you 1000 angry texts and you forgive them, then they learn that they can get away with this behavior.  You must set boundaries and consequences instead.  For example, let them know that excessive text messages will not be tolerated. 

If you love them and don’t want to break up with them over obsessive texts then set a consequence.  For example, you could let them know that you are willing to work on the relationship however the texting is disruptive to your life.  Insist they or both of you get counseling or that the relationship will end.  Or insist that they cease their texting plan with their cell carrier.  Switch over to phone calls instead.  It’s just an example but it clarifies the point that you draw a line somewhere.  If they continue to do something you can’t tolerate you must set a firm boundary and consequence and then stick to it.  It doesn’t mean you need to dump them but it does mean that they need to change their behavior in order to be with you.

Trust them and give them a reason to trust you

If you learn to trust your partner then they will feel more comfortable and be less likely to become needy, confused, obsessed, and text message crazed.  Likewise, if your partner is sending you insecure texts then you must examine your own behavior.  Often times, you are doing something that is fueling their desperation.  Are you sending them mixed messages?  Let’s say for example you tell a girl to stop texting you.  You say, stop texting me and let me contact you.  Then, you never bother to contact her for weeks on end.  This type of thing will drive a person crazy and fuel their desire to text you in displeasure.

The best way to avoid psychotic text problems is to be consistent in the way you treat someone.  Trust them and give them a reason to trust you.  Don’t become hot and cold, or flaky such that it creates a cloud of confusion and distrust.  The minute your romantic interest starts to distrust you is the minute you are starting a text message problem.  If you do something untrustworthy you are likely to get deluged with text messages.  Just remember, when you get 500 nagging texts you should consider not only the nagging but the reason for the nagging.  It may be that something you are doing is making your partner feel insecure and creating fertile ground for them to drive you crazy with texts. 

People usually text for a reason so while that is no excuse for their obsessive behavior, it is valuable to look at what might be leading them on to do this.  Loss of trust is a major reason why your partner might be texting too much.  Are you having a problem getting your girlfriend, boyfriend or ex to stop texting you?  Loss of trust, reaction to a betrayal or them sensing an imminent breakup may be at the root of their texts.  Sometimes the simple act of picking up the phone and hearing them out may avert an incoming tsunami of texts.


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