Why men pull away, and how it relates to text message

Have you ever noticed that men can come on super strong over the course of a few weeks of knowing you then suddenly back peddle claiming how they are not ready for a relationship?  How easy it is to go from phone calls to text messages to nothing at all, in a matter of mere weeks or months. You might think that men have follow through issues and wonder what you have to do in order to keep them interested and avoid the old disappearing act.

His fundamental interest level isen’t high enough to keep him around

Single men are always on the lookout to meet Miss Right.  But while they are looking they might come across many different types of women.  They can be interested in these women for a variety of reasons and genuinely be attracted to them.  When a man feels attraction for a women he’ll usually come on pretty strong in the first few weeks and try to get to know her.  He might even get physical and intimate with her with good intentions. 

Sometimes he really, really likes her. Sometimes he’s in a dating dry spell, and will explore something with a woman he already has a hunch is not his type for the long run. Even though he may not think she’s perfect for him, if he is adequately attracted to her then he might take a gamble and give it a chance nevertheless. There are varying levels of attraction he might have going in obviously but in order to go in at all he has to think you’ve got some potential.

But do you know what?  Once that initial courtship plays itself out and the man realizes now he’s got a woman very interested in him, he sort of wakes up.  He realizes she’s getting involved and he starts to really evaluate this particular woman.  For about a billion reasons he could conclude this woman is not the one to settle down with into a serious relationship.  It could be anything from him wanting someone younger to him wanting someone from a different racial, religious or economic background.  It could be her age or her life circumstance or his level of physical attraction for her.  It could be that he thinks he could do better, or that something about her way doesn’t suit his particular taste, plain as that.

He might be willing to get involved but once that challenge has been accomplished of getting you infatuated with him, he might realize you aren’t the one.  Seeing that you’re more interested than he is, he might decide to peddle out of the relationship and essentially disappear out of your life.  It may not be personal to you.  It might just be that he thinks he can do better and find someone younger or with less baggage or with a better personality that he clicks with.  He likes you but not enough to stick around.

You drove him away by the way you acted

The above reason was that he just didn’t feel you two were the right fit and there is not much you can do or change about that one.  This reason here though, is one you can control.  He might leave because of the way you acted.  Men like to play dumb in a sense but all the while during the first few weeks of butterfly courtship I think they are paying attention to what is going on.

In the crucial initial phases of dating you could make certain fatal mistakes in the way that you behave that literally drive him away.  The main of which, is making assumptions about you and he being in a relationship too early on.  If a man feels like he is being roped in as a boyfriend after a few short weeks he is not going to respond well to that.  He’ll feel that you are assigning him the role of boyfriend because you have a fantasy of placing him in to that role. 

If you’re too smitten then he will question your sanity.  It’s the woman who doesn’t jump in and who questions his suitability for him that he stays attracted to.  If he shows interest and suddenly you’re a puppy dog claiming he’s perfect then all challenge is gone and he probably feels like OK put a collar on me now with your name on it.  Not going to happen.   In terms of this web site, obviously you aren’t going to want to make the mistake of trying to own him or own his cell phone air waves with your text messages.  Let him come around to you at his pace.

Women who become too needy, clingy, possessive and aggressive in trying to drive a relationship into happening are often the ones who get abandoned.  Poor behavior will also drive him to leave.  Poor behavior includes anything emotionally unstable.  If you just met and have been dating for a few weeks he is not going to think it normal that you send him 10 texts a day, ask him his whereabouts, or invite him to a family function.

A man will also pay attention to how a woman handles herself when he says no.  Will she flip out or can she hold her own ground and negotiate with class not sass.  He’ll look at whether you are presentable to family.  If you smoke, swear or have other bad habits he might put the breaks on a relationship.  If you humiliate him, snap at him or try to boss him around and tell him what to do that aggressiveness will be a turn off.  Essentially, he wants a shining personality but one that he can present to anyone from business associates to sports buddies.

If he feels instinctively that you won’t fit in nicely to his world he might be driven to leave.  He has to be able to picture you as his girlfriend.  If he doesn’t, you’ll find him either leaving or demoting you to a lessor relationship where he can enjoy benfits but not commit to be exclusive or monogomous.  If he likes you but doesn’t view you as marriage or girlfriend material, he’ll back peddle either all the way out or into some gray area text relationship level where he continues to see you every now and then if you allow it.  Meanwhile, he keeps looking.

In order for a man to put up with bad behavior he has to be very attracted to you both physically and emotionally, which brings us to the next reason he might pull back.

You didn’t knock his socks off

There are some women that men are just insanely attracted to.  And they aren’t just physically attracted they actually love spending time with her.  This woman is the one that holds the winning card with a man.  She can have everything wrong with her.  She could be from the wrong side of the tracks with lots of baggage, personality and personal issues.  But there is that something about her that entrances him.  It’s just a huge emotional draw both physically and mentally.  She’s the girl he just wants to be around because she fits his ideals, she’s a challenge, and he’s conked on the head with continued inexplicable attraction towards her.

If you have that emotional draw he’ll stick around not for rational reasons at all.  It’s more of a gut level attraction that keeps him there.  The best way to be that girl or as close to her as you can get is to have your own life, and develop your own interests.  Nurture a shining personality and well rounded life with a fun passion for living.  It will increase the likelihood that you’ll be that girl he’s irrefutably drawn to. 

I think a man will become interested in you based on a variety of factors from being available to thinking you are attractive to liking something about you.  That will inspire him to date you and give you a chance, seeing where things may lead.  If it winds up that he just doesn’t like you enough upon learning more, he’ll move on.  If it winds up that you exhibit some sort of real turn-off behaviors from neediness to insecurity to aggressiveness, he’ll be driven to move on.  Lastly, if you don’t have that core emotional draw on him he won’t be impelled to stay. 

Having the emotional draw to capture a mans loyalty is the best ingredient.  If you have it, he will willingly overlook many faults you have.  The recent surprise ending of the bachelor featuring Courtney and Ben are a perfect example of the emotional draw.  Courtney definitely did not present as well as Lindzi but bachelor Ben’s emotional draw to her caused him to choose her anyways and propose. 

Men do realize that pulling away can be hurtful particularly after intimacy.  Yet what are they supposed to do? Stick around and continue to pretend something in order for you to be happy?  Men are men after all and they are going to get involved and want experiences with different women.  They don’t have a crystal ball the second they lay eyes on you. 

Men are better at getting swept away in the moment or over a matter of weeks, and they are also better at being able to snap right back into objective reality.  They actually have fun getting to know women and they are wired for it.  There is also the issue of timing. 

Some men enjoy their me time and may be in the single mindset.  If they are enjoying the single life or busy or divorced raising children and so on they might be less inclined to let themselves fall for a woman.  It can be a little harder to capture his heart.  If she’s not perfect they figure they have plenty of excuses to back out and keep looking.  Timing and their relationship mindset can sometimes play a role to a certain extent.  But honestly, if they find the right person then most men will want to be with her come hook or crook and regardless of what’s going on in their life.  It wasn’t good timing for Brad Pitt to go off with Angelina Jolie but he did it anyways.

If they like you well enough to give you a chance then they will.  And if they discover a few weeks into it that they don’t like you well enough to stick around they won’t.  If he wanted to continue seeing you he would.  If he wanted to move in with you he would.  If he wanted to marry you he would.  It’s just more simplistic with men and they are often able to be independent without needing anything from anyone.  They can pull away and will pull away if they don’t feel it for you. 

A man who is independent and not in need of anything from anybody winds up being the most attractive to women.  He’ll be looking out for number 1, which is himself.  No amount of chasing on text or otherwise will keep him around.  He just has to want to be with you through how he feels.  He knows when he pulls away rudely and in many cases chooses that exit strategy.  Though no excuse for rude behavior, he may deem it easier then providing explanations for his feelings or outright rejecting you.

Stop him from pulling away

The best way to stop a man from pulling away is to put him in a maze that isen’t all about him.  Instead of him making all the decisions, let him get onto your rollercoaster of decisions too.  Let him get to know you and offer him a few surprises so he can’t quickly sum you up after a few weeks.  Keep his head spinning and don’t let it be all about him.  Give him a few exciting twists and turns so that he can’t just evaluate you and decide yes or no.  Bounce him from yes to no to maybe like a pingpong ball and he might stick around longer to play and ultimately get to know the real you, not just the you after three weeks of dating on perfect behavior.


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