Why nagging him with needy text messages will only make him tune you out

If you keep chasing and chasing a man on text message it comes across as needy.  Men hate nagging and they 100% deplore needy women.  It’s fine to be interested in someone however the minute you send out a full blown needy and nagging vibe a man is going to be completely repelled.  If you continue to send out needy vibe text messages he will tune you out completely.  Texting him more will do more harm than good.

The problem with neediness

The big problem with neediness is that it just manifests itself in a way that completely repels people.  Then it becomes a relationship problem.  Needy behavior often manifests when he was initially chasing you and you had all the power and then he decides to back off so that you chase him instead. Now you’re needy and he has all the power.

Let’s say your guy pursued you quite a bit in the beginning of your relationship.  So you grew accostomed to expecting his undivided attention and could pick and choose when and whether you were going to spend time with him.  Maybe he picked up on that and felt that you weren’t giving him the priority he wanted.  So he learns something.  He learns to gradually contact you less.  He also explores other dating options.  And guess what happens, suddenly you become more interested in him than you ever were before.   If a guy starts contacting you less and finds that you chase him more he may have figured out that it works to his advantage to ignore you. 

When this scenario goes to the extreme, then pretty soon you’re going to be chasing him and he’s going to be doing no work at all.  Sadly, the more needy you become the less into you he will become.  It’s not easy for a girl when the tables get turned around on her.  At first, she’s the desirable but then over time he’s learned to back off and she’s chasing him down!  Over time she becomes an just an option to him or worse yet, blown off because she’s annoying.  That dreaded feeling of him pulling away turns many a girl into an anxiety ridden baseket case obsessed over her guy.

Best advice is not to chase

If you feel like your guy used to chase you and over time it’s flipped to where you’re chasing him then listen to this advice.  It’s best not to chase him.  Don’t panic and act needy or nag him about it either.  Don’t start hounding him with texts asking him what’s wrong, what happened and whether he still likes you.  If you chase him and act needy he probably won’t continue to pursue you. 

If you want to get him to chase you again then you need to stop the chase.  Try to relax, get some distance from him, and let time and space open up so he has the chance to contact you and come around again.

Tips to encourage him to chase you again

If you want him to chase you again like he was in the beginning here is what you can try.  First of all keep your mind in check and don’t become a needy basket case.  The more needy you are and the more obsessive you act the more you will just repel him away from you.

Second try to keep busy.  It’s okay to let him know you are interested and not play games.  But if he’s not following through for you then get busy with the rest of your life.  Let’s say you hoped to have plans with him Friday night but it’s already Thursday and he’s still missing in action.  it’s time to quit obsessing and get busy with other stuff you need to take care of.  Even if you spend your Friday night running errands and cleaning your house you’re keeping busy.  The last thing you want to do is text him all through the night whining and complaining.

Don’t make him the center of attention

If your man has stopped chasing you because you’re exhibiting needy behavior that is driving him away, it’s time to revert your focus onto yourself.  Quit letting him be the absolute center of your attention.  Don’t worry about what he’s up to and try not to be obsessed.  Focus on your own gig and do your own thing.  If you text him once or twice and he blows you off just go do your own thing. 

Don’t keep texting.  It’s always possible that something pressing is going on with him.  If he has stuff going on and you’re annoying him he may just put off getting in touch with you.  He figures he’ll touch base with you when he has time but since you’re acting needy he’s in no rush to really deal with you.  If you leave him alone it’s always possible that time will present himself.  He’ll realize you’re not jumping down his neck and actually wonder what’s up and touch base. 

If you lay off of him it serves two purposes.  It demonstrates you are interested but not needy and obsessive.  And it gives him ample opportunity to come around.  He might be blowing you off but he might just be in a different mindspace as you.  Perhaps he has other more pressing matters going on in his life.  Best thing is to not chase him, not act desperate, and go on about your business.


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4 Responses to Why nagging him with needy text messages will only make him tune you out

  1. Monique says:

    I have been going thru exact thing and I really didnt understand why I was acting the way I was with my guy. I was worried I was going to lose him if I stood down but after reading this it makes perfect sense, I was that girl that left mad text and blowing up his phone wondering why is he not calling me back. I know he loves me I just did not think I was being the chaser now. He started off pursuing me. Thank you again.

    • admin says:

      Yeah, don’t make that mistake because then you are taking the focus away from how he’s being aloof and putting it onto how you’re acting crazy. Sure his aloofness is making you act crazy and its understandable, but it really makes the behavior problem yours now rather than his. When you’re blowing up the phone with texts doesn’t it feel good? But you will always regret it after!

  2. Autumn says:

    When is it ok to text back again if he has not responded, and does that come across as neediness or as initiating contact?

    • admin says:

      Generally speaking you should not continue to text if he is blowing you off. He knows he is blowing you off, and you know he is blowing you off, so why text him? Try implementing the 48 no texting rule over and over on a person like this so that you can train yourself to stop texting a guy who is not even giving you time of day to text you back. Also, recognize that some guys don’t want to do small talk on text. This really bites but when a guy is really not responsive it can mean that he is not interested or that he has something going on with a woman (or several women) all ready. As much as you want to hear from him, a guy like this is apt to walk all over you. I know its a drag but look for other guys because you deserve to be something other than … ignored. Guys get an ego boost when they get texts from women and they just ignore/reject them. Let him get that ego boost elsewhere!

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