Why relationship perserveration can lead to stalking behaviors

Perseveration is the act of persisting or persevering. In terms of relationships it is really continuing to repeat or perseverate a certain behavior. It’s repeating behavior and continuing to repeat it to the point where it is no longer appropriate at all.

It’s really easy to fall in perseveration when it comes to texting. If you were involved with someone for several days months or years and keeping in texting contact with them all the time, you just make a life habit out of it. And habits are really, really hard to break we know that.

Unfortunately when the relationship doesn’t work out for one party and they move on, it’s incredibly hard to stop the texting behavior. For them it might be easier. Men (and women too sometimes) often view the relationships as stepping stones. They want to move from one stepping stone to another without getting their feet wet. So, maybe you were starting to fight and he was looking for a way out that would enable him to do it without getting his feet wet.

What that means is that he might have found another companion to talk to, chew her ear off, have bedside chat with. Or maybe he just has enough going on in his personal life with job, sports, buddies, teams he plays on and so on that he could stop the texting contact with you without it crimping his style too much.

So one person leaves the texting behind without too much difficulty and the other person is left, um, texting. You know, if you’ve been texting this person for months on end and in text contact all the time then it’s incredibly easy to get distressed and start perseverating. You know it’s no longer appropriate to keep texting. The other person makes it clear they’ve moved on and do not wish to hear from you. But, you continue to perseverate and text without interruption.

I am no psychiatrist and often times when you perseverate over the loss of a relationship you start treading quickly into the danger of stalking and harrassment territory and potential legal problems. So it may be the case that you wind up really needing help like some counseling. Other times just understanding that you aren’t the only one that experiences such feelings can help. And eventually with enough time you just get past the relationships failure and slowly you just learn to live with the broken heart scar you got. Life goes on.

As I’ve said before, people all go through break ups and they know what its like. If you’ve texted nonstop and suddenly have to stop cold turkey and really can’t do it too well the other party may cut you some slack. After all, they did care about you. But there comes a breaking point where you do have to move on and leave this person alone.

If you feel like you are perservating and creating continued relationships that don’t exist (or never existed) it’s always good to get help if you really need it. The majority of people make it past these breakups given enough time. Some join support groups or get help if they need it. It always helps to know that humans have this tendency to perseverate on things they really care or cared about so the grieving process you go through as part of a hurtful break off is pretty standard.

Think about it like this. There are probably millions of breakup texts passing through the text air waves at any second of the day. You aren’t the only one getting dumped on text right now. If you need to perseverate on something try this: repeating I can’t become a stalker chant to yourself. I can’t become a stalker, I can’t become a stalker, rinse, lather and repeat. That will keep you busy for a while. Type it into the computer or a journal to keep your fingers occupied so you can’t text :-)


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