If your strategy for love includes texting you may want to think again. When used occasionally texts can be great. But used too much, and you could be inadvertently pushing him away. Dating coaches will tell you that there are certain behavior qualities that can help build a deep, intense and lasting attraction with a man. Texting, is not one of those behaviors.
A self assured woman does not need to text him for reassurance
There is a certain mindset that a woman can have that will help to trigger a powerful attraction response in a man. That mindset if one of self assurance. It’s self confidence plain and simple. It’s an implication that you are a woman that won’t settle for a man that is disappearing on her emotionally. You’re a woman that won’t tolerate bad behavior from men she dates. No matter how much a self assured woman likes him, she is willing to leave him if he treats her disrespectfully.
Rather than having a long winded whiny and pathetic discussion about being blown off by him, she’ll be one step ahead making plans with someone new who actually can keep a date. The bottom line is that she puts how she wants to be treated first. Men notice that and they will value you a woman more who has a healthy sense of self assurance.
This type of self assured woman is going to respect a mans space and freedom. But she is not going to stick around to be treated so poorly as to make her become insecure. She is not going to be the woman who is hunting him down on text throughout the day. I realize it sounds like a strategy to not text him, and to a certain extent it is. Because constant texting implies neediness. Why would you act or appear to be or even imply to him that you are needy if you know that it is man repellant? If you find yourself wanting to text him out of the blue for reassurance, you are definitely not in a self-assured mind set.
A woman who creates attraction does not emotionally text unload on a man she is dating
Sometimes texting turns into emotional unloading. Men don’t respond well to it. In countless dating stories they tell of the woman who likes a man so much and thinks things are going great and he suddenly backs off. She gets insecure and then decides to lay it on the line and tell him exactly how strongly she feels about him. It may be on text message, email, a letter, or a phone call. She unloads and it makes her feel better since she thinks she’s being true to herself and letting him know her true thoughts. He, then thinks Yikes, and leaves her.
The fact that you would say something about how you feel is not the problem, it’s more the fact that its coming from a place of fear and weakness and he will know it. Were you self assured, such a conversation could have waited until he contacted you or you saw him in person. But it couldn’t wait. Why? Likely because you are scared and feeling insecure that he is backing off. You obsess then press the send button on a hair trigger. The danger is that you not only communicated your concerns, you communicated your own desperation and neediness, and he might just think Oh No. If he’s not feeling a deeper emotional connection with you, he might just disappear as soon as you start to emotionally dump and blither away at him on text message.
A typical gorgeous mans perspective
I recently asked a completely gorgeous male friend of mine how his online dating adventures were going. He said he had met several very beautiful women but they were all crazy. I asked him, how so. He says well they say that they love me after a few dates when they don’t even know me. He says well they whine and complain how I never text them or come see them when I am in town and yet I barely even know them. He claims the women don’t act like women he’s merely been out with once or twice but rather they act like crazy women who are jumping the gun into a relationship sight unseen. Smells of desperation.
Even though I felt like knocking my friend on the head and calling him a total stuck up, that’s really how he and many men like him thinks. If I press him and say well what do you expect them to feel when you drop your manly gorgeousness into their lives acting all interested and they think they’ve finally lucked out and run across the man of their dreams. He falls mute and excuses himself with the conclusion well I guess I am just picky then. He knows he is dangling himself like a carrot into their lives, but he doesn’t want them to even bite the carrot. He only wants them to notice the carrot.
The fact of the matter is that so many women mess up their own chances when they start to chase after men. Texting him daily to say hi, see what’s up, or check in even though he hasn’t gotten in touch with you constitutes chasing. My friend even mentioned that one woman was texting him pestering why don’t you ever text me messages that he was turned off by. Such behaviors make him think less of you somehow. Like, you just aren’t worth his time and attention.
Make a move, not many moves
It doesn’t hurt to strategically position yourself to gain leverage with a man, but beyond that, you should again let the ball fall in his court. I know a woman who got a dentist as a husband because she strategically got herself an appointment in his office when she heard through the grapevine he was single and eligible. I also know a woman who invited a man she got acquainted with at one club meeting to another club meeting that she knew about because she thought he might be interested in the topic. In terms of online dating, having a good profile with attractive pictures is a winning strategy.
In these cases, the woman is putting herself into position to get asked out on that date. But after the initial strategy, they left it up to him to make a move and pursue her. In other words its okay to be proactive however there is a big difference between being proactive to get yourself in the running, and aggressively continuing to pursue someone that isn’t acted interested in you. There’s a big difference between one text message a week and one hundred text messages a week.
Let him come to you
I know its next to impossible to stop texting if you are addicted. Particularly if you have a total fascination with a man and even more so if you physically bonded with him, it’s really hard. But conventional advice is to back off and give him enough space to come to you on his own. Then if he doesn’t come to you, move on and leave him. You have to have a deep seated attitude that you won’t settle for a man who isn’t giving you what you want and need.
If you really like him and believe that he likes you, then try to temper your texting addiction tendencies. You must learn how to enforce your own 48 hour no-texting rule. At any given point in time you should have trained yourself to be able to go 48 hours with no attempted contact and no texts. That’s the baby step to not getting hooked on text and keeping your texting behavior in check. Once you master that 48 hours and can implement it at will, you’ll be on your way to creating more intense attraction with him. You won’t be smothering him and pushing him away. It may not seem like it now, but it actually will make you feel good to be able to have texting self control.
thats what i was doing texting to much i backed off i no he well come back i work for him but want that closness back help please i care so much for him
What a great article! I just made my boyfriend really mad because I texted him all this stuff about emotions. It’s been ongoing. I am going to start that 48 hour no texts thing.