Why the cause of your texting too much may be trust issues in your relationship

Are you having trust issues in your relationship?  Both women and men run across this problem where they can’t trust their partner and wonder if they should breakup up over trust issues.  It is a very tough question.  The fact is that trust issues seem innocent initially but in the long run they will destroy your relationship, period.

Let’s say you have trust issues with your boyfriend and you are wondering whether you will break up.  Well, you needn’t wonder too much.  Those trust issues will cause a breakup eventually whether it is now or later.   When one person understands that their partner has betrayed them one too many times, they will leave.  Likewise, when one person understands that there is nothing they can do to restore trust with the other, they end up leaving too.

Both people get hurt

When someone betrays your trust by making a promise they don’t keep or outright lieing to you, it becomes a root problem in the relationship.   If your boyfriend betrays you once or twice you are likely to let that slide.  However even if you’ve let it slide, the trust problem gets rooted.  By the time he betrays you the third time let’s say, you are done.  It’s not an individual situation that time.  It’s a pattern of betrayal that can’t be swept under the rug and forgiven.  Once that happens, your relationship is likely to end.

Usually the betrayed person (lets say its the girl in this scenarie) feels that she is the only one hurt.  Not so.  The boy who did the lieing can be hurt too.  For one thing, he may have betrayed her once or twice yet apologized and thought it to be resolved and ancient history.  Then when the third sin is committed, he may feel that he just lagged on something or fibbed or whatever.  He’ll feel like she’s on a hair pin trigger like a psycho. 

So he (the betrayer) gets hurt too because he might feel that he loves her but there is pretty much nothing he can do to make her trust him again.  She (the betrayed) is hurt because she’s let him get away with something several times and feels walked all other.  She finally calls him to task on his lies and is forced to break it off in order to redeem her self respect.

Trust and text message, the connection

So what does this have to do with text message obsession?  A lot!  If you don’t trust your partner its a real deal breaker and will be at the root of horrific fights, oft carried out on text message.  The betrayer will wonder if its worth it to try and stay with a girl who already does not trust him.  He’s going to have to decide whether its worth it to try and stick around after he’s blown it and created suspicion in him.

She too will have strange suspicions and start to question everything he does as a lie.  Oh, he went to Las Vegas with who, his father?  No, he must have gone with another woman!  Everything he does gets called into question.  Once lied to she’s constantly berating his actions and wondering secretly if she is hooked up with a total sleaze.

The toxic combination of one person who feels he cant be trusted and the other who feels she can’t trust him is likely that all perspective on the situation will get lost and fights and blame ensue.

Is your mistrust imagined or is it real?

Women’s intuition is a powerful tool.  Once a guy establishes himself as trouble on your intuition radar please don’t ignore the signs.  Many a women realize way later on that those red flags were popping up for a reason.  If your radar on him changes or you notice small shifts in his behavior do take note.

There are many warning signs about betrayal and mistrust.  You have to sort out what is real and what is imagined.  If you have a history of being betrayed you might be jumping on his case over your insecurity and you’ll drive a guy away who really hasn’t done anything wrong.  On the other hand, if you’ve dating more awesome guys and you know this ones behavior is suspect, then trust your intuition.

Being suspicion and having anxiety and fears can seriously drive a guy away from you so you’ll need to temper your panic and anger.  If you’re on a hair pin trigger then anything he does can be construed as dishonest and you’re likely to castrate him quickly before he has a change to come through.

It takes two to keep a relationship going after trust has been broken

Try to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt but understand that trust problems in your relationship aren’t going to go away.  Each time he betrays you it creates negative equity and baggage on the relationship.   It will take two people to get through it and one can’t succeed when trust is involved.  You’ll need to let him know that you have trust issues and you’ll need his help to get through it.  He’ll have to let you know that he can’t be with someone that doesn’t trust him no matter wrong sins he’s committed in the past.

Trust issues won’t go away on their own.  It takes two to work through that and both people would have to decide if the relationship is good enough that they won’t allow past trust problems to damage it to the point of breakup.  The reason it takes two is that one person can only absorb so much betrayal on their own.  They can only forgive so many times.  Eventually the other person has to be part of it. 

If one person has the habit of lying, and the other person has the habit of just eating those lies and tolerating it, the relationship will collapse.  It won’t be able to sustain because eventually the lid will blow on the person absorbing the lies.  And we know what happens when the lid blows.  Text, text, text.


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