Why trust is so important in any romantic relationship

If you trust someone, you can share your feelings and emotions with them.  You can be yourself.  When you first meet your boyfriend (or girlfriend) you trust them, because you have no reason not to.  If they continue to act with integrity then you continue to trust them.  If you trust them that means you don’t have any doubts in your mind about their honesty.

No trust, No relationship, Lots of Text Messages

You relationship is not going to survive without trust.  If you break the trust, then your relationship is broken.  Examples of breaking the trust include cheating, lying, or manipulating.  Once a trust is broken in a relationship, psycho texting often begins.  For example, your man breaks your trust and is dishonest.  You try to talk to him about it but he prefers to vanish until you cool down, or perhaps permanently.  You feel jilted so then you text and text about how you are angry and hurt.

If you have a massive break in trust, the other person always does have a chance to restore the trust.  For example, if a partner borrows money from you and disappears when it comes time to pay you back, they have clearly broken your trust.  If on the other hand they do pay you back or at the least make some attempt to try to, the trust can be restored.  If you have broken trust that is never repaired it will usually lead to a complete dissolution of the relationship.

If you don’t trust a person to keep their word and act with integrity it makes it nearly impossible to love them.  You could forgive them time and time again but eventually you will end up parting ways.  An example is if you trust a boyfriend who cheats on you multiple times.  you can only absorb and forgive so much before you start to resent them.  Eventually, the trust is obliterated and even if you love them the relationship will find its demise.

Relationship strain caused be loss of trust

When you first meet you give someone the benefit of the doubt and assume that their intentions are good.  If the relationship gets deeper then trust becomes even more important.  If you find yourself doubting your lovers explanations then doubts about him or her creep in.  Maybe they have unexplained absences or phone calls and their story starts to crack and no longer make sense to you. 

If the relationship develops fissures then you start to question the persons intentions.  Say your lover brings you flowers and then soon after asks you for a small loan.  You give the loan but then they don’t act forthcoming in repaying it.  Suddenly all of their behavior gets called into question.  Were the flowers a truly sweet gesture, or just a set up for a loan request?  Was the person trustworthy or were you being fooled by them.  All of this doubtful thinking will create the biggest strain ever on the relationship. 

When there is relationship strain there might be some hot exchanges or communications via phone, text message or face time.  Since trust is what is going to cement a relationship together, it helps to be trustworthy yourself.  You can’t control what the other person does but you can control yourself. 

Developing trust

Try to be a trustworthy person to your partner if you want the relationship to last.  If the relationship becomes unstable then at least you won’t blame yourself.  In order to trust someone it takes a certain degree of vulnerability because you are revealing personal details about your life.  You do have to go out on a limb.  When both people are willing to adhere to the basic boundaries of the relationship then the trust deepens.

What happens when you are betrayed

Many of the readers who write into this web site are psychotically text messaging their ex lover because they are upset over a betrayal or loss of trust.  They are confused and upset.  They are mad at their partner but at the same time still connected so they engage through text message.  Usually the text messages do little good and only serve to further damage the relationship.  They just add to the stress and anxiety about the relationship.

If you want to reestablish trust with a partner that has violated your trust it can be a challenge.  Sometimes it involves time, forgiveness, and eating the wrong rather than holding a grudge.  You absorb some of your partners bad behavior because you want to save the relationship.  Sometimes you can re-establish your trust with the person however if there is ongoing deception then a reconciliation won’t last. 

If you want your relationship to last try to cultivate trust.  If there is a break of trust do not go ballistic with text messages and anger.    Take time to cool off and then communicate when you are calm, preferably in person and not on a text message.  When communication is needed then you know that text message is not really the right medium.  You can use text for a simple apology such as sorry or a reaching out however don’t use text as a primary way to communicate or deal with relationship issues. 

Exercise patience and try to handle relationship issues in person when the time is right.  If it is going to take 100 text message to make a point, then text message is not the venue to make that point.  While you might want to talk to a person about issues, they might not be ready to talk with you.  Texting them relentlessly violates their privacy.  No matter how much you want to talk to them it is better to wait until they want to talk back as well. 

If you’ve texted too much already then rest assured it is never too late to stop.  Don’t beat yourself up for ranting and texting.  You can’t change the past.  Instead, just try to stop since there is no point in repeating a point over and over.  If your partner is not willing to have a two way communication with you then it may be time to move on with your life without them.  People who want to be together try to work things out and compromise.


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