Why you texting him first is just as bad as you calling him first

She thinks to herself, I had a really good time on the first date but I didn’t want to seem pushy by calling him so I texted him instead to tell him that I had a really good time. Big mistake!

Here is a very top secret dating tip for the woman that can’t seem to control themselves to resist texting him. You need to start viewing texts as phone calls. It really works if you think like this. If you text him three times, its just like calling him three times. Do you think he wants to be called three times? No he does not. Women tend to become delusional about text messages. They think this is some sort of compromise between calling and not calling, or the lesser of two evils. Texting is just like calling because it comes down to the fact that the woman is contacting the man. My advice to women is to be careful not to delude themselves when texting a man. You are pursuing him if you are texting him. It’s fine to contact home so long as he contacts you more. But as soon as you establish yourself as a woman who gets in touch with him, you take away his ability to pursue you. Men like the pursuit, so texting him first can be a mistake.

Texting is not a compromise between calling him or not. It is the same as calling, because it is you contacting him first not vice versa

You go on a first date with him and have a really good time. But at the end of it you didn’t give him a big kiss because you were a little bit nervous. Still though, the more you think about the date the more into him you are in retrospect. You really want this man to call and you also want to somehow under hand him a message that its okay for him to call. In case he missed it at the date because of fear you didn’t kiss him or hug him, you want to let him know.

So you torture your girlfriends about what to do and after a lot of persevering you decide that you can’t call him because that’s too pushy, and you can’t not call him because then he won’t totally be 100% certain that you want to go out with him again. So you text him. You decide to text him thanks for the date or I had a good time, or just something funny. It sounds logical but in reality if you assign yourself the duty of being the one to contact him and reassure him that you like him it can turn out to be a dating faux pas! Because if you listen to my dating tip here is sending him a text carries the same wait as calling him. Because the bottom line is that you are the one initiating contact. The dating tip to remember is that you should put into your mind the notion that a text send to him is a phone call made to him! Therefore, you called him! Texting is the same as calling him. It’s just a little more underhanded and seemingly innocuous, but it all boils down to the simple operative of you contacting him. Whether its by a direct phone call, or a text meant to be more innocent but just like a phone call nonetheless, or by pigeon with a message, you contacted him. Text is contact and don’t ever forget that, and therefore you contacted him first. Men like the pursuit and the minute you assign yourself the role of pursuing him the dynamic of your relationship will change for the worse.

Why hasn’t he called?

There are plenty of reasons why a man will decide not to call you after the first date or just suddenly stop calling you early in the dating process. There are so many reasons he may not have called that you’ll probably never know the real one. For example, to him a call might mean commitment and he may not be sure you are his type, or he may be dating someone else and just dipping a toe into a date but not really interested, or he may think you don’t want him to, or he may be short on cash, or he may have met someone else, or he may not be attracted to you enough, or he may be a confirmed bachelor, or he may think you are obnoxious, or he may just decide that you are not for him. But I will tell you that one of the very, very biggest reasons he may not have called you is because you called him first. And remember, texting is pretty much the same as calling. Since texting counts as calling then, you called him. Or, we should say, you contacted him first.

The minute you contact a man first after a date you have really blown it and shown all of your cards right on the table. Remember, the fact that you contacted him via texting is the same as you calling because both involve you contacting him using a phone. Pretending a text is somehow less pushy than a phone call or not technically a phone call even though its contacting him first is a really bad mistake. Because, texting him is just as bad as calling him, it’s just trying to pretend you aren’t being pushy and contacting him first even though you are. Even if the text says something nice like thanks for the date it is just as bad of a mistake. If you needed to thank him for the date you should have done it right there in person at the end of the date. You shouldn’t have to text him to say thanks and if you did then clearly you need to read dating books and understand to redo how you end a date and make sure to say thank you in person on the date itself, not after the fact on text.

You give up all control once you contact him first. This one incredibly naive move can potentially alter the entire trajectory pattern of your relationship and most likely you’ll be out of the running at the get go because of this mistake. The minute you show the first sign of chasing him, you are always going to be the person initiating, deciding the time and place of your date, taking charge of when you are getting together, requesting the dates, and so on. You may as well have just donned a sign that says you assumed the masculine role in this relationship.

Here is what a man will think if you make the dating mistake of texting him after a date to say thank you or do something even worse than that which would be to text him and say What’s up after the date even though you have not even heard from him yet. He is going to think you are desperate. He is going to think you have to be in control and you will be the pursuer in his brain for ever more. He is going to think that if you are contacting him right now, what is going to happen if he were to call you? If you assume he likes you when he hasn’t even called you what kind of smothering can he expect if he dares to call you and show interest?

Why set yourself up to never get asked out again by him?

If you initiate that first contact after a date it gives him a very valid reason why he should never ask you out for a second date after that. And if you initiate contact much more than him after a few dates or early on in the relationship he will also have a reasons to bow out because you’ve taken the chase and his desire to pursue you away from him. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you should send a teensy weensy teeny tiny text message that is super short and sweet. You don’t need to be the woman who reinvents the dating wheel. To be on the safe side, stick with the old school tradition of allowing him the opportunity to call you. It’s tradition for a reason and if you are too naive to follow guide line dating protocol then you sort of deserve what you get.

How to become the feminine woman again, that the man pursues

Here is how to fix the problem. Don’t call him after the first date. Don’t text him after the first date either. Both constitute contacting him so regardless of whether it’s a phone call or a text its one in the same as far as he is concerned therefore don’t do it. You need to make it obvious to him from the outset that you know how to control your excitement and that you know how to act. Regardless of who made the dating rule of wait until he calls you, that you should follow it. Wait for him to call you. Consider it to be fundamental dating etiquette. Some things you just don’t question. Don’t call him after the first date and don’t ever call him more than he calls you. It should be just as common a dating rule as the classic don’t become intimate with him on the first date rule.

If you like him, make it clear on the date itself

Here is another important dating tip. If you have any sort of inclination that you might like a man, then make it very, very clear at the end of the first date and at the end of every single date that you had a really good time. That gives him a cemented in his head knowledge that it is a go for him to call you again and if he wants to, he will.

One of the biggest reasons women make the fatal dating mistake of contacting him after the date is because she thinks about the date afterwards and decides she really liked him more than you she have let on. She had a chance to mull and realize she wanted him to call. If she didn’t make it clear right on the date itself that she liked him, he may go home wondering if she really want him to call her or not. Had she let him know she was open to seeing him again at the end of the date, she wouldn’t be contemplating under handing him a text message to let him know after the fact that’s it ok to call her.

If there is a likelihood that you’d like him to ask you out again, make it clear at the end of the date you had a good time. That way he knows all that he needs to know and if he wants to call you again, he will.

Another reason it is important to make it clear on the date itself if you are interested in him rather than doing it as an after thought text, is that you know where you stand. You’ve given him the information he needs to go on. Now, its up to him to return a gesture and get in touch with you since that is the common dating etiquette and he perfectly well knows what to do. This way, if he doesn’t call you, then obviously he doesn’t want to see you again. You won’t need to sit there twirling thoughts around in your head for weeks after wondering well maybe he thinks I wasn’t into him and maybe I should have acted more interested while on the date. You save yourself a great big headache of wondering if you failed to act interested enough in him and whether that was the reason he didn’t call. If you made it clear on the date or dates that you were interested and then you just don’t hear from him, then you have your answer. There won’t be any doubts and you won’t be tempted to get in touch with him.

When he is out of your league

Sometimes you know that a man is out of your league and so when he doesn’t call you, you decide to throw caution to the wind and chase him down anyways. He was too cute to let go, you think. Maybe the man was your idea of Adonis. If your appearance wasn’t quite up to his standards he figures you didn’t look like a model so he’ll keep looking. A man like this just won’t call you if he thinks you don’t meet certain beauty standards. If for example you fibbed on your dating profile about your age or lowered your weight by twenty or thirty pounds you might wind up with a man who is out of your league once you actually meet him in person. This is a good reason why women should post attractive pictures but ones that do reflect the current state of their appearance. It’s too confusing to think you did something wrong when in fact the man was annoyed by the fact that you just didn’t resemble your photographs. Men that are just too alpha to be interested in you are best let go. If you chase after him you might succeed in becoming intimate with him for a night but that’s all you are likely to achieve.

If you text a man who is not interested in you, he might deign to text you back every now and then but all you will ever get from a man who is too good for you, out of your league, or too alpha, is a text and perhaps an occasional last minute rendezvous, when happens to be driving right by the freeway near your house, and has no plans that night. Chasing after a man who has decided you are not for him is generally not a good plan at all.

Why women chase a men for short term flings

The most common excuse women have for allowing themselves to be used by a man for a short term fling, is that the man they had their fling with was out of their dating league. Since they weren’t going to get what they really wanted from him, they accepted less to fulfill a fantasy. A word to the wise is that if you accept crumbs from a man who is out of your league, never called you back, but you nevertheless pursued him, you have an alarmingly high probability of getting hurt. Women almost always feel regret after romantic interludes where as men do not. This is the exact type of man that is also most likely to drive you bonkers into obsessively pursing him since we all want what we can’t have. These are also the type of guys that help make you go nutty over them and then wind up stalking, because you become infatuated and can’t really have them. The infatuation mixed with the rejection creates the conditions for stalking.

What to do if you didn’t act interested in him but you are

What happens if you blew it and you acted tepid on the date and now you are torturing yourself because you want to somehow let the man know you liked him and yet here I am saying don’t underhand him a text or overhand him a phone call. Even if you missed your chance to show him that you were open to another date with him, you still shouldn’t call him or text him. He may be unsure if you liked him but if he liked you enough to get to know you on one more date he will still call you. Don’t start to doubt yourself. Let him decide if he ever wants to see you again. If he doesn’t, move on. Try to do better with the next man and if you like him make that clear to him at dates end. Then let him call you so you can at least have a shot of a relationship that goes on a normal progression. All it takes is a little practice and you may have to meet a few suitors to be happy with your own behavior on dates.

Being single is better than spiraling yourself onto a dangerous track with a man from the get go, by assigning yourself to the role of being the pursuer in that relationship. One you sign yourself up to be the one initiating contact then your whole entire relationship is likely to go that way. If he doesn’t choose to be with you on his own, and be the one who calls you, throughout all of the early dating phases you will be setting yourself up for getting relegated into just an option for him. It is perfectly fine to return phone calls and show your interest but don’t be the one initiating him. All men know this basic etiquette and if they see you ignoring it and chasing them their interest in you will drop dramatically.

Even is the most ill-mannered man that ever lived, he still knows that he should be given the job of being the one to call you in the initial stages of dating. You never ever need to call him and most women learn this lesson the hard way be becoming the pursuer in a relationship that goes all wrong because of it. Wait until a man is your boyfriend before freely calling him as much as he calls you. You don’t have to be the one to redefine classic dating etiquette by doing something different than the norm. Better single than setting yourself up for a relationship where you wrongly assign yourself to do his part of the job from square one.


This entry was posted in Dating and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *