The best way not to be a booty call, is simply not to be one. That is to say, when you see a relation heading in that direction, put the brakes and get out of the relation. That being said, if you are already knee deep, your chance of reversing the booty call train is really slim to none. It’s a relation that likely won’t change and will ultimately fail with you getting emotionally damaged and bitter in the process. The first and foremost sign of booty call, is that all he does is text or come over, and you never go anywhere, unless you really, really force your hand with him. If a man likes you, you don’t need to twist his arm to see the light of day.
Casual relationships are ultimately demoralizing
The more you accept the booty call behavior, the more it gets cemented. Avoid going to his house or vice verse and you will see you relation fade to never seeing this person. You can test it out. Invite him out and let him know that you want the relation to include going out together and see what he says. If he changes his behavior (not likely) then ok. Beware of him making a mild effort such as you go out to a neighborhood restaurant once in a blue moon. If he can’t spend a day together with you running errands or around his friends, there is nothing there. You have to distinguish him throwing you crumbs to keep stringing you along with minimal effort, to him actually being present in your life.
Casual relations are un-salvageable emotional destroyers in the long run
Booty calls can rarely be fixed. The demoralizing treatment of the relationship is already in place and as relationships go, most easily sink back to their worst point. Plus, he might shape up due to your pressure but if free will didn’t exist for him in the first place, odds of it lasting are minimal. Best way to deal with being treated a booty call is to escape it by just moving on and trying to meet someone new, or just being single.
Booty calls happen because you allow them to happen, either wittingly, or unwittingly. If you see a pattern of communication by text message, plus hanging out only inside your or his house, it’s a booty call. If you get phone calls and you go out and about with this person it is something else. Although, even going out can be confusing because if you aren’t dating or in an exclusive relationship you are simple friends with benefits.
To escape a booty call relationship don’t settle for table scraps. Tell your booty call to shape up or ship out and if there are no discernible changes that prove this is more than booty, let it go. They rarely get better, and usually get worse. Sometimes when you try to get more out of a booty call relation you wind up played even worse. They guy (or gal) gives a little more to get what he wants, while still having no intention of really being with you. Or he leaves, and then keeps pinging you hoping you will get depressed and lonely and he can weasel back into the same pattern you had. Don’t fall for it. Most people getting free booty calls do not give them up and in fact try to maintain these strings free relations. Therefore, it is up to you to leave, the person having their cake and eating it too, is not going to leave. You have to do it.
Remember, booty calls happen because you allow them to. When you walk away, the poor treatment stops. And, you have to understand, the booty call stops too. Booty calls are just so horrible for your self-esteem that they are never worth it, even if you are getting to be with someone out of your league. Any ecstasy you feel in being with mr or Mrs. hot but really unavailable for anything other than using you, will be eclipsed ten fold by the resultant misery these relations turn into. If you are an emotional stone maybe you could handle a relation like this, but be sure you aren’t kidding yourself into thinking you can handle it.
Remember, it’s near impossible to reverse or re-route a booty call into anything tangible. You want to love, and take risks, but when it comes to your physical and emotional health, you just have to protect it, because no one else will. It’s up to you. Rationalizing that something will be OK in the moment or when under the influence is another big no-no. Always think things through a bit before going forward, and more importantly, before continuing to go forward. Do you really want a man who doesn’t call you on the phone or go out with you to do fun things in life? Do you want to be intimate with someone who doesn’t really care about your well-being?
The best way to avoid a booty call is to radically reject poor treatment and only associate with people who genuinely care for you initially, and more importantly, consistently, over the long run. If you are struggling to get more than a text and a visit to your place or his, see the writing on the wall. Don’t question your perceptions, and don’t rationalize and make excuses why this person has never seen the light of day with you. No job or life circumstance makes a guy so busy that he won’t spend a day with someone he really is into.