Texting infrequently can be a quaint way to flirt with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The problem is that people with obsessive tendencies can take text messaging to the extreme. They text way more than they should and pretty soon they are annoying the person they are texting.
Obsessive texting often comes out of a relationship situation where one person likes the other person more than they like them. This imbalance creates an insecurity and lack of control in the person that has the least control and interest in the relationship. The person in control, on the other hand, becomes at risk of being the recipient of an excessive texter who won’t leave them alone. Without realizing it, the person leaving a relationship could be blowing hot and cold, disappearing, or fizzling away. Dumping someone ruthlessly on text message also encourages text stalking behaviors.
If you find yourself running a relationship on text message or not being able to stop texting a love interest, you may have a real problem. Texting is addictive for certain people. If you are being texted relentlessly, then you need tips on how not to encourage the obsessive texter. You may have to take measures to get them to stop, especially if you believe your safety is at risk.
On this web site we have articles both for the person who needs to quit texting, and the person who finds an obsessive texter is annoying them. In this how to quit texting program, we will let you know step by step all of the tricks and techniques to help you stop doing it.
12 Stop Program to Quit Texting
If you are the person with the obsessive texting problem the first step in the 12 step quit texting program is realizing you have a problem. Admit you are powerless and that your texting has become problematic. You’ll know this if a relationship is being systematically destroyed or damaged by your needy, clingy, constant annoying text messages. I’ll go over all of the warning signals and solutions step by step in dozens of blog posts that you can read through on this site. Here is a brief overview of the blaring red flags which will let you recognize your obsessive texting problem.
Red flags that you are Obsessively Texting
One clue that you are texting to much is if you had to update your plan to accomodate the texting. Normal 300-500/month plans should suffice and if you find yourself moving up to unlimited texting plans thats your first red flag. Another clue is an uptick in your text message usage. Usually its associated with a relationship or person that you either get involved with them, or get dumped by them, and consequently start texting too much out of anger or needy desperation.
If your cell phone text usage exceeds limits to where you are calling your carrier such as Verizon begging for excess charges to be reversed, it signals you have a problem brewing. Exceeding standard text package limits is a red flag. Another flag is to count the texts used each month or review your monthly phone bills. Billing evidence that your text usage over standard packages of a few hundred texts a month is a problem.
Another warning sign is someone tells you that your constantly texting them is intrusive and you don’t take the hint and text less. Count up your outgoing texts as compared to their incoming texts. If the ratio is not close to 50/50 you are texting intrusively. Count up the words and compare those too. If you are texting 20 words or filling up the SMS message and getting 3 or 4 word responses back then it indicates your interest level is exceeding theirs. Not only that, you are trying to say too much and in danger of running your relationship on text (and wrecking it).
If you don’t text him (or her) will they ever initiate contact? In other words, are you the one always initiating contact? Even if they respond once you do, having to always be the one texting expecially if you are the female, is not a good sign. Either you are texting him so much that he doesn’t have to bother to text you anymore, or he just isen’t interested in responding to all of your garbage. Too much texting becomes garbage to the person getting it. The less texting the better. The more you text, the more the recipient will tune you out and learn to not pay attention to all of your yabbering text messages.
Are you texting the person so much that they don’t even bother to respond half the time? If so, you are texting them too much. Also consider who ends the conversation. If you are carrying the weight of the conversation you are compensating for the other person. You are creating a relationship that, if you would just shut up, may not even exist. Stop texting and either accept the sound of the silence on your phone, or see for real if this person is interested enough to initiate contact once you stop bothering them all day. If you are always the last one talking in the text conversation then its not good.
If you text him and he responds one or twice then goes silent as you keep on texting 10 more times, consider your texting dead in the water. It’s called ranting on text and people hate it. I once left 16 messages in the evening to one person I was obsessively texting and they were furious the next day when there were 16 messages stopping up their inbox. It was ridiculous. Filling someones inbox with messages is a nuisance as is killing their battery and preventing them from getting texts and calls that are actually important and pertinent to their lives.
Any time you text someone more than 10 text messages and they aren’t even responding in between its considered a rant. No matter if the texts are all in succession by minutes or spread out over months, it is considered a rant. If you have to send that many messages to say something then texting is totally the wrong venue and you should not be doing it. Not only that, if the person is ignoring you then you shouldn’t be compensating and texting them. It will make them hate you.
Is texting your only form of communication? If you only communicate with a person via text message realize now that you are in an extremely limited relationship. Abusive relationships and sub standard relationsips from booty calls, casual sex, casual encounters, hookups, internet dating flings, fake relationships, and so on and so forth, are often run by text message. People bailing or doing a slow fizzle or using you for sex, or are in the process of dumping you will often downgrade you to text communications only. If you used to go out and talk on the phone etc, and now you are only texting you may be getting dumped.
It takes two to text. Becoming an obsessive texter can cause alot of damage to a relationship. You should try not to text too much from the outset and train your partner to better ways of communication either in person or on the phone. It takes two to tango. Once you allow your partner to get away with only texting, you set the standard and it’s low, low low. If for example they can arrange a get together all by text you are teaching them that you don’t even deserve or expect a phone call. You’ll suffer from a loss of self respect from enabling or allowing such patterns especially if physical intimacy is involved.
Even if you are already obsessive and your relationship is being wrecked by a texting imbalance, you can recover the situation if the other person genuinely likes you. Admit you have a problem, apologize for it, and then take active positive steps to quit texting or drastically cut back. You may be able to save a relationship by giving a person space and learning not to annoy them on text message.
If you get your texting behavior right and in check, texting can even be used to your advantage. The situations where it works is if you use it as a fun innocuous occasional way to communicate. Your texts should be infrequent, playful, short and sponteneous. They shouldn’t come every day and they shouldn’t be long winded. They shouldn’t be used to make plans or have fights or discuss relationship status. You’ll know that you are doing texting right if you are well under the standard plans which means under a few hundred texts a month, if you are recieving texts just as often as you are sending them, if you can go for days at a time without texting at all, if your relationship is progressing, and if no one is complaining.
Done sparingly, texting can be used to flirt and say hi. Never send lewd texts or even anything too explicit unless you are in a committed long term relationship. Avoid swearing and use proper text etiquette. Also, never send threatening or hostile texts to an ex as they can be documented and get you into trouble with the law. You should be sending out so few texts that each one is considered a treat by the recipient. The only way he (or she) will crave you from texts is if you rarely ever do it at all.
Start reading my quit texting tips to get control of your text problem before it gets out of hand.
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